Friday, May 30, 2014

This One Time...

One time a girl bought a round of drinks for me and her which included

- A drink for her
- And nothing for me as I pulled the car around to pick her up because it was cold outside

(Note: Not a fucking round when you only buy one drink. Has to be multiple drinks dummy!)

One time a girl told me I was too negative and that I should just do whatever I want and scrap the word can't from my vocabulary. 30 minutes later she told me she wanted to get a tattoo, I told her she should. She said she can't because she doesn't have the money. Then she asked me to pay for it. Guess who got in trouble when they pointed out who was using what words.

(The guy who was right.)

One time a girl told me something was going to cost one amount and it ended up costing 4 times as much.

(That girl was a stripper.)

One time a girl cheated so I broke up with her. Sure it was Monopoly but I take that game seriously and feel that is a direct reflection of the type of person you are.

(I'm always the banker now.)

One time I held a door open for a girl and she responded with "I hate you right now."

(I only walk through automatic doors now...too traumatized to do otherwise.)

One time a girl only showed me one boob so my total boob count will forever be messed up.

(Everyone else I know has an even number.)

One time a girl stole a Mountain Dew right out of my hand. It was one can off a six pack and I suppose I didn't need them all but still...bitches thirsty for the Dew.

(Also I just won them in a raffle at the high school dance so they really meant a lot to me.)

One time a girl read this entire post and

- Got hearts in her eyes for me like the popular emoji
- Fell in love with me
- Proposed to me

And I said yes.

(Kidding…I’d never say yes. I have to do the proposing. Duh.)

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