Tuesday, October 1, 2013

She's A Cougar, But What Does She Hunt?

She's a lady. She's older. She's HAWWWWT! No she doesn't have any kids...that would make her a MILF. So what is she? The all too familiar term, the cougar! And so flattering, to name this breed of woman after a breed of large cat. Hey I don't make up the names. I just use them appropriately.


But I started thinking critically about this. Do I need to help make up names? I feel as though we've overlooked a very important breed of person. The cougars always go after the younger men. So what are those younger men? Those younger men that always end up with the cougars.

She is the cougar because she ever so cunningly hunts her prey...and lands it! Her prey, often times a young male. Naive to the world, left the nest, oh but only years ago. He has set off into the wild (University of Whatever The Fuck) and is still trying to make sense of things. He used to have a steady healthy diet of vegetables, meatloafs, lasagnas, whatever Mom was cooking up. Now he forages for what he can find. Bricks of pasta with a beefy or chickeny dust to flavor it with. Sticks of beef. Square crackers with cheesy flavoring. These are the most common aspects of the diet. And the ever popular.....BEER BRO! He is skilled enough to land himself these foods and beverages, but he lacking a well-rounded diet. He is lacking appropriate shelter that isn't "Higgins' couch" or "T-Money's futon". He is also lacking guidance. Guidance he would get from his mother but refuses to request since "She's all up in my business and doesn't get he's a college grad and junk!" He thinks he has a grasp on the world, but he has let his guard down. And the cougar moves in on her prey. Her prey is dumbstruck, travelling in packs does not help. They are completely helpless to the cougar!


I mean look at these guys, they can't stop a cougar attack. She starts by pouncing on them....... with expensive shots from the bar she bought herself.
She moves so quickly across the forest floor in her..... Pontiac.
And she drags them by the neck...one at a time...back to her lair/condiminium she has almost paid off.

So, who are these guys?

Well, cougars in real life hunt many types of deer, elk and moose. They at times hunt small to medium sized rodents and other mammals. Also bighorn sheep.


Wouldn't it be fitting if the young man fresh out of college quite susceptible to the cougar women of the world was named after her prey? I personally think Moose is the best fitting. Deer and elk just doesn't have any flare to it. No catchiness. And though bighorn sheep has all those things...I think Moose embodies it much better. And let's be honest, we know there's gotta be at least 9 guys in the world that finished college within the last year or so, who's nickname is Moose. That is just the perfect nickname for one of these guys.

I don't want to be the only one voicing my opinion. I don't think I'm necessarily qualified to come up with this name. But I feel so strongly that this name has to be created and I'm hoping maybe I can lead us in the right direction. And who knows, maybe my suggestion is good enough. Since more often, you hear young men using the word Cougar...maybe it's the Cougars who would get the most use out of this term. What do you think women? Moose? Is that what you like? Is that the fresh, young body you desire to bring back to your queen-sized bed with the Pink Floyd sheets? Is it fitting? Voice your opinion. You have a lot of power in this decision...if not most of it. You are strong, independent women!

Come on, I know you want to say it. "I am cougar! Hear me roar!" And grab you a moose...

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