Friday, July 26, 2013

Sounds Like You Got Nothing Good To Say

"Hey Steve, you drinkin coffee there?"

Thanks for trying to be conversational but maybe only when you got something good to say. Sounds like you got nothing good to say.

"Hey Steve, eating salad huh?"

Well, I'm not shoving it up my ass. Good detection skills. When you saw me put my fork in the salad, then put my fork in my mouth while holding a small percentage of the salad, then remove my fork from my mouth but keep the salad in my mouth you clearly deciphered I was eating salad. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. This is what you think is a good sentence to start off a new topic for us to discuss? Sounds like you got nothing good to say.

"Hey Steve, are you working?"

Are you, as my coworker, not entirely certain if I too am working while currently inhabiting the same office as you? You're here working. I'm here too. But you're not sure if I'm working? Or is it that you feel like talking but don't actually have anything good to say. Sounds like it.

Hey, you don't have to say anything when you see me. You can walk right by.

Other Options:

Head nod.
"What's up?"
Quick wave.
High five.

Honestly I'd also accept:

Jerk Off Motion
Fart noise with mouth
Fart noise with butt
Fart noise while doing Jerk Off Motion

What's Really Unnecessary:

Commenting on what I'm holding/eating if it's what you see me holding/eating all the time.
Asking me a question you CLEARLY know the answer to.

I'm not antisocial. I'm just antistupid. Seriously guys, let's step the conversation up. I would like to talk to you. But not if 88% of my dialogue to you is the following words; Yes. Salad. Coffee. Yup. Blue Cheese.

And no don't ask me about the weather. Yes, we were both outside at some point today. Yes, we did both experience the weather. But we both have had a bowel movement in the past week most probably...I'm not bringing that up as a bonding experience.

Really, don't take it the wrong way. I like talking to people. But when it's substantial conversation. And I'm just not gettin that vibe here. Cause...I don't know...Sounds like you got nothing good to say.

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