Monday, February 25, 2013


Are you familiar with the Jay-Z and Kanye West song, N Words In Paris? Well, this is Borthers In Paris. And I know what you're thinking, you're thinking what everyone thinks and what spellcheck thinks, but no that is not an accidental misspelling. It's on purpose! After one typo long ago, my brother and I (or should I say borther?) have used the misspelling often as it sounds like a word on it's own. And a fun one to say!

So, if you follow me on Instagram or Twitter (@SteveInevitable) you've probably seen a lot of #BorthersInParis as we're putting it on lots of stuff! And some others like #FrenchSoHard because the whole theme of the trip has been Borthers In Paris. We're leaving today but have been here for about 60 hours. Our presence has been felt and will be remembered.

French so hard
Parisians wanna fine me
But first Parisians gotta find me
What's 50 grand to a mother fucker like me
Can you please remind me? (Well, actually it's A LOT!)

Anyway, we've been doing our best to French it up here, but our deeply embedded American sensibilities and lack of knowledge in the French language have not been making that easy. Some examples?

We went to Notre Dame, walked through the inside. It's strange because there is some sort of church service going on while everyone is walking around the perimeter of the church sight-seeing. And not being too quiet. Same deal at Sacre Coeur (Pronounced something like Sak-rah Swa). So, we head in, in the middle is a gigantic area with plenty of people listening and watching the service going on. Tons of people, including me and Borth, are walking around the perimeter, shuffling through looking at everything (and it is quite amazing and beautiful) but everyone's making a good deal of noise. You're not supposed to talk, most people are, and though its quietly, everyone taking quietly together is not quiet. Then, we come across the coin machines. No joke, they have the machines where you pay money, put a coin in and it stretches and engraves it with a picture of something. The thing almost sounds like an arcade game when it's done, spitting your finished product back out, clanging around on everything.

So, my brother and I sit down off to the side at one point, as we've been walking all day and are exhausted. We're pretty far away from the middle where everyone sits, and I very quietly began to ask what he thinks it's like to be one of these people. You're going to this outstanding church with so much history but as you're trying to become involved in this all there's hundreds of people circling around, shuffling through, muttering, mumbling, talking, collecting souvenirs from loud machines, it must be so distracting. I feel like the church part must lose some appeal, and as I'm in the middle of making my point, a lady sitting in the same section as us, who I thought was also resting her legs as she was off to the side in the "Visitor's Section", turns around and shushes me hard! I got quite the stare along with it. Case and point. I truly wasn't trying to be disrespectful but I did prove my own point. I apologized, in English, which was probably as good as if I had just crossed my eyes and shouted "Blorgin!" so I'm sure that lady now associates me with all Americans and hates us all, sorry guys. My bad. I'm making the typical American so much more real, trampling through the Church with my Godzilla-like verbage. Frenchin' so gonna damn me...what's Hell to a human with a core of 98.6 degrees...can you please remind me?

On the way back we stopped at a Cafe because we needed to sit. We had walked about 8 miles that day. We ordered wine, Borth wanted escargot, which I also love so we decided to partake in that. I hadn't had a crepe Paris?! I know, so I ordered one there, with chocolate and bananas...which was good...but obviously a weird combo with escargot. The waiter kept looking at me weird, giving me a hard time. He wouldn't give me the tools for the escargot for awhile. He said, "No, you don't get them, you have chocolate." I wasn't sure if I was ever going to get them and then he finally had mercy on my poor American ass and gave me some. Or maybe he preferred it that way because then he got to keep coming over and shake his head at me for simultaneously consuming escargot and a chocolate crepe. Look, I never wanna do THAT again and I would have preferred to just have the escargot, and the free bread that comes with EVERYTHING here. But I had to make sure I had a crepe in Paris. You understand right? Maybe if he knew my timetables he would have understood too. Frenchin' so hard...waiter wanna kill me.

As we get ready to leave I look back and we did a lot of stuff in a few days. I'm quite satisfied with everything we saw and did. Eiffel Tower, couple huge churches that will never let me in again, I had croissants, crepes, escargot, foie gras and plenty of other delicious foods and delicious places go inside my tummy and my pupils respectively. Oh and I received my French name while out here. Written down permanently on my Starbuck's cup.

Steeve. Yup, that is how you say my name in France. For real, it's not like they messed up the spelling or something.  So, we leave snowy Paris today with much accomplished, we feel good about everything we saw. Oh wait, I forgot! We got one more place to go see before we fly outta this joint! The place where Scott Fitzgerald showed his wee wee to Ernest Hemingway when he was insecure about the size of it! We're gonna go get breakfast there...right now! Over and out! French so hard...Urologists wanna fine me. What am I doing showing my weiner to a writer...can you please remind me?

Monday, February 18, 2013

Blood City - Episode 4

It's been quite some time since we saw what was going on in Blood City. If you need a recap revisit Episodes 1-3. If you need quick notes...Princess Una Mae kidnapped, Zaron sets off to find her in order to collect some prize money, kills some goons who had been keeping her, grabs her, is driving her to safety, is rammed off the road by a drunk car thief and also murgolated by that same car thief (which is a form of murder that is just the worst!) and now this drunk car thief has Princess Una Mae.

Just a regular day in Blood City. And here the Drunk Car Thief, Randy, is with Una Mae tied up in the trunk. He notices he has rammed this car off the road right by a gas station.

Thumbs up! Should I go in for Doritos and a Mountain Dew?!

No time for that! He forgot, in Blood City when a car crash is heard, it is only minutes before all the delinquents in town show up in hopes to loot the wreckage. Here they all are, even that one guy with a huge head! And they have noticed the Princess! Flyers have been put up all over town promoting the cash monies reward that will be received if she is returned safely.

The fastest of the group is the first to challenge Randy. He's clearly looking for a fight to the death. Winner take hostage!

Thumbs up again! How is Randy staying so cool?

Especially under these heated circumstances...

Yo Billy Joel! I figured out who started the fire! Toasty!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Naked Emergency!

Maybe you always sleep naked. Maybe you only sleep naked sometimes. Maybe every once in a whatever-colored-moon it seems appealing and you try it can be refreshing! Doesn't matter how often you sleep naked, if you ever have, and know it is even of the slightest of possibilities for your future, YOU ARE AT RISK!

At risk of what? I'll tell you what. A fucked up situation! Recently, I had the urge to sleep naked. Whatever, it happens, we don't have to talk about it, you don't have to think about it. Grow up if you just went "ew!" cause guess what...fucking deal with it! People all around you, in your life, bagging your groceries, checking your oil, they do it from time to time, get past it and life will be easier. Anyway, I was saying, I had the urge, so I did it. Like I said, it can be refreshing! But in the middle of the night I was awoken by a loud crashing noise. I jumped out of bed startled, something had most definitely fallen and made a loud noise inside our apartment. I look at the clock (the one on my phone because since I moved out on my own I haven't bought a god damn clock...I know...pathetic) and it is around 4 in the morning. OK, 4 in the morning, awoken by a crashing noise, what might you think? Break in! Oh yeah, and I live in LA. Not a bad part or anything but it's still a big city. Could be a break in.

So, I start freaking out, also only half-awake, and I'm freaking out partially because there might be an intruder in our place but more so because I'm naked! And it's dark and I can't find anything to put on! OK, if this had been a real break-in (if by now you haven't realized in the light tone in which I'm approaching this, it wasn't a break-in) I'd be fucked more royally than a king on his birthday! Intruder comes in, looking for cash or things to pawn for cash, does not give a shit about anything, will do whatever he needs to, to get away with valuables...and I have no clothes on! How vulnerable am I? Oh also, I had not ever had the foresight to keep anything I can use as a weapon near my bed.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My Date With Rashida Jones

I always title these web chats that I get to do as "My Date With Such And Such..." because I like naming them that way and it makes me feel like I at least have dates every once in awhile. But this one was one I really wish was a date! Rashida Jones?! You kidding me?! I was so excited when I was invited to take part of this web chat because in addition to her being beautiful, I'm a huge fan of hers! Parks And Recreation. I Love You, Man. The Office. Our Idiot Brother. That's just to name a few things...and probably my favorites of her work. And now, "Celeste & Jesse Forever", which was what this web chat was all about on Spreecast. And I will add that to the list.

If you haven't seen it, first of all, maybe you should stop reading my blog and go watch it. Well no not literally, read the rest of this and then like a couple more posts...but then go watch it. It's a more serious movie but is also really funny. And it's Rashida Jones's first writing credit. Which was one of the more interesting aspects to me. She plays all these comedic roles and then branches out and does a role with more drama and seriousness and crying (she even talked about that)...but she wrote this role for herself!

(Check it out! I made her laugh! Most proud I've ever been in my life, and I once caught all 151 original Pokemon!)

So, I asked her about writing this movie (which she wrote with Will McCormack who co-stars) as it was her first writing credit. I asked her if this is more her writing style, different from her usual roles, the more serious approach, and if she thought if she were to write more, is this what we should expect. She said that the romantic comedy genre has always interested her and she loves movies like that (mentioning "Annie Hall" as one) and she really wanted to tell this story. She went on to explain, that on this topic "I've said what I needed to say" which I thought was pretty damn well put. But she likes stories of relationships she told me and thinks maybe in the future she could do some stories that are about families or something high concept and in explaining this to me made me think, she would probably write in the tone she wrote this movie in.