Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Jacksonville Hopefuls

Some football fans are so dedicated and hopeful that every play, every drive, every game, they think in their mind, “If we just get this one, we’re still in it! We got this! We can do this!” Some people, even when it’s almost humanly impossible, still believe their team can score 3 touchdowns in less than a minute. Ever been there? “I mean technically they could. They just need to score in one play, onside kick recovery, score in one play, onside kick recovery, score in one play. It can be done! Go team!” You have trouble letting go of the inevitable loss. Then there are the people who still hope something marvelous will happen that has never happened before in the history of the NFL and their losing team will march into the playoffs after every one counted them out. After analysts said it was impossible!

I’m here to help that last group. You can’t help but to be a big fan of your team. You can’t let go when every one is telling you to. When everyone is already looking to next season and “that great pick in the draft next year”. Well, don’t worry! You should always stay hopeful! There is always hope!

Jacksonville hopefuls, sad that the roar of your Jaguars has been lulled to a quiet purr as the season has progressed? Depressed that everyone has told you they’re out of the playoff run? Well, they aren’t quite out of it yet! I have figured out a way in which the Jaguars can make the playoffs. Follow me with this one.

- First, they need to win out. An obvious factor. Win those last 4 games and finish with a strong 6-10 record. One of those is a division game. IMPORTANT!

- Secondly, you need some important division rivalries to go your way. You’re going for a Wild Card here. There’s no chance of clinching the division so forget about that. Buffalo and Miami are both 5-7 which means when they play each other Week 16 one of them will have to have at least 6 wins, just like you. You want it to be Miami who you will still beat on your win streak to the playoffs and not Buffalo who has a tiebreaker over you...cause they just beat you remember? OK, along with that, some other division rivalries need to go your way. It’s fine, they will.

- Third, you need 212 players in the NFL to test positive for steroids and to react horribly to the news, throwing a fit and tossing chairs at visiting ambassadors from respected ally countries. This will surely get them from suspended for the rest of the 2012 season and playoffs.

- Fourth, you need those 212 players to fully comprise 4 separate NFL teams. 4 specific teams in the AFC Wild Card hunt that have records you cannot achieve this season. With completely empty rosters they would either be forced to pick up replacement players or forfeit. Have you seen “The Replacements”? The replacement players consist of actors such as Keanu Reeves, busy with a movie called “Man Of Tai Chi”, Faizon Love, busy with a “Friday” reunion, Jon Favreau, busy with a whole bunch of “Iron Man” shit, Rhys Ifans, busy fighting his skin mutation and also Peter Parker, and several others who are also not available. With no replacement players available, these teams will have to forfeit and will be counted out for the season and the playoffs!

With all four of these important and decently likely events taking place, you will glide into the playoffs, spots and fur in place and teeth bared ready to maul the competition. Just take care of your end, winning out, and the rest will come to you. You’re basically an AFC Wild Card winner already. Just stay hopeful Jacksonville. Like a true fan. Don’t let anyone tell you, you’re crazy. And root for those Jaguars until the bitter I mean... the sweet, sweet end!

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