Monday, December 31, 2012

How To Get The Most Out Of Your Beer Pong Game

Most people believe in the philosophy that if you are playing a drinking game, you’re better if you’ve already been drinking. Sober Sallys are the rookies in the games and the vets are past a few deep. But how deep is too deep? Once asked by a famous pornographer...and now by me. You can definitely get too sloshed and lose your magic touch. When it comes to the most popular drinking game of beer pong, I’ve always been fairly certain of how my skills progressed. I finalized my research and rolled it up into a scientific sweatervest. I’m hoping my conclusion to my hypothesis can help you...The Average Party-Goer.


Now, as you see, my skill-set is around decent when sober. I am your average-skilled-at-games human being. My athletic and competitive ability are in the mean the mode the medium and every other type of average you could imagine. My graph is for my personal skills, yet will be extremely close to the average Johnny Walker. Now look at what happens the more beers I drink. The better I get! It’s like a video game! The power ups (beer) increase my  basic attack ability (ping pong ball shot). We won’t get into magic attacks because I don’t play with tequila anymore. No more sorcery here, muchacho.

Get me to 6 beers and oh boy! I’m at 100 in those mystery units. That’s as good as I can humanly be! But look at what happens after 6 beers! At 7 and even 8 beers I somehow go above what is humanly possible. My special attack is kicking in and I am of God-In-Training Status. The 7-8 beer range is where I want to be and where I want to stay. But you can never stay there that long. Because all you want to do is keep drinking. And keep drinking is what I do. However, past 8 beers is too many beers. As you can see just that next sip is dangerous as my skills drop as quickly as anyone’s pants would at that same beer level. And just when you think it can’t get any worse once you’ve hit double digit brews...I crank an 11th one back and somehow do worse than if I were just standing still, handing my turn over to a piece of lint.

So, there’s my beer pong story. I hope it helps you. If you’re anything like me, try to nurse those 7th and 8th beers. Hope you can finish up the tournament before number 9. If it’s a small division and few teams, go for beers. Down em bud. But if it’s double elimination, every team in the playoffs, you’re better off with a water cup and staying sober. If you’re like me anyway. So, practice safe beer ponging this New Year’s and for all events moving forward. Want to play your first game of 2013 at the crack of midnight? Try it while celebrating the new calendar year properly, CHAMPONG!

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