Monday, November 12, 2012

A Breakdown Of Orianthi's "According To You"

I've seen many a song broken down lyric by lyric. I've never felt so compelled to do so with a song myself until I heard Orianthi's "According To You". Here's my interpretation of the song.

According to you I'm stupid, I'm useless
I can't do anything right

These are harsh accusations for someone to make without evidence. Stupid is one thing. Useless. This guy must have some reason for throwing that bomb in the field. Let's see if you can rebuttle it.

According to you I'm difficult, hard to please
Forever changing my mind

OK these too are accusations one would not make without a reason. Time for you to make your argument back.

I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time
Even if it would save my life

OK, maybe not. You want to give us more insults from your ex. Gotchya. Making a strong case. Let's see, also this guy thinks you can't dress know some people really can't. Have you ever thought he might be right? Also, tardiness is not expressed through opinion. That's just a factual thing. If you are really always late you really just are always late.

According to you, according to you

No, no trust me, tardiness isn't something that is opinion or belief of people. It's cold, hard facts. If someone tells you to get somewhere at 7 P.M. and you show up at 7:20 P.M. looking like a wreck in your fancy dress then you are tardy! And a mess in a dress! Don't you realize your life is on the line and all you have to do is show up on time?!

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head

Finally we've gotten to the part where you come back at us with reasons why you don't suck. As told through the story of the "new guy". So the ex, probably was with you for awhile and knew you quite well. When he says you're always late and stupid, I mean we see that he has credibility in this case. The guy's been with you. You obviously want to get back at your ex by telling him all about your brand new boyfriend. Brand new. This guy who's been with you all of what? 3 days? So far his opinion of you is that you're beautiful, a compliment to your physical appearance, and incredible, too vague of a compliment. Those are supposed to prove to us you're not stupid? You know how many beautiful girls there are who are stupid?! Plenty! You probably are beautiful and this guy who has been with you for a couple days can only say that about you. He hardly knows you. He doesn't know how stupid you are yet. And the fact that he can't get you out of his head also doesn't prove you to not be stupid or useless. He's probably just pumped you already showed him your boobs so early in the relationship and has a constant boner.

According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Again, not proving you are punctual, useful, intelligent or a lady who can be taken to the Hilton in a strapless number. Some funny people are dumb. Or maybe you said something in all sincerity and he thought you were making a joke. And if he knew you were serious he'd think you were a dummy but he's all like, "No way, she's gotta be telling a joke. No one is THAT stupid! Especially not someone who is this beautiful!" Also...everything he ever wanted? And he knows this after 3 days? Wow, we found a guy who rushes in and doesn't know you can't learn everything you need to know about a person in 72 hours. He sounds like a winner too.

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose

What's opposite? His opinions of you? No. He complimented your physical appearance and your ex said your IQ is that of a table napkin. And not even a fancy one. Again...those two qualities can and do exist in one human being. You don't feel like stopping what? Are you just saying things that rhyme now? I don't know...what would you have to lose? Who's making the accusations that there are things to lose? Nobody...why even bring that up?

He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you

Yeah I don't know. I'm starting to really side with the ex. But who knows, we've only gone through the first verse and the first appearance of the chorus. We still got more ground to cover here.

According to you I'm boring, I'm moody
And you can't take me any place

Back to the ex. A.K.A. My possible new best friend. Well...boring people suck. Especially when they have mood swings. Unless you swing from boring to full of life and happy then it's a bad combo. Maybe he can't take you any place because of the whole dress-fiasco. Seriously, just learn how to dress up once in awhile and maybe your awesome boyfriend would have taken you to great dining spots.

According to you I suck at telling jokes
"Cause I always give it away

Well, yeah. If you give away the punchline of a joke...then you suck at telling jokes! Plain and simple! You have to master the art of telling jokes, that's your own fault. Your ex is totally right. Now, I don't believe the new guy who thinks you're funny. Has that guy ever heard a proper joke been told or is he one of those people who just thinks other people are funny when they repeat Family Guy jokes?

I'm the girl with the worst attention span;

Well then fucking pay attention!

You're the boy who puts up with that

I think this guy is a saint

According to you, according to you

Maybe you think all these instances are "according to him" because you just aren't paying attention! If you listened to him long enough you'd see his complaints have reasons behind him. And really, totally honestly, not paying attention to someone you're close to, friend, boyfriend, whoever, that's like one of the worst qualities ever! I have to listen to this song over and over to make sure I get the shit right and you can't even listen to your boyfriend explain to you the proper shade of lipstick to accompany your dress with and the etiquette of telling knock knock jokes. Yeah the knocking always comes first. Not the person's full name! Yeah!

But according to him I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head

Here we go with this again. Yeah, a guy who you just met thinks you're hot and a guy who put up with your non-paying attention ass for a couple years says you're dumb and don't help him with chores and are always late. It's all true!

According to him I'm funny, irresistible
Everything he ever wanted

Maybe he means funny in an ironic sense. Also, many men find Paris Hilton irresistible you know. And no one's mentioned how she's a part of MENSA nor have any of her comedy specials gone well with critics. Maybe this guy has low standards. Hot girl with heartbeat...check!

Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose

OK, I seriously think you're just making all the same points that didn't work the first time...all over again! And they aren't going to work here either! They mean nothing! And who are you calling baby? This whole song is addressed to the ex, right? According to you...refers to the ex. So, now you're calling him baby? Oh I bet the new guy wouldn't appreciate you showing the feelings you still have for your awesome ex who just invited me to the Kings game this weekend. He and I are sitting right next to the glass and we're going clubbing later to pick up girls with large attention spans and moist, sexy usefulness. Maybe one of them will help me with the siding on my house. For hours!

He's into me for everything I'm not,
According to you

Get over your ex already! He's over you! He found a girl at the club, actually the twin of the girl I found. We're both very happy. Can't you just be happy for us Orianthi?!

I need to feel appreciated
Like I'm not hated

OK so stop talking to your ex already because he hates you. Seriously, though. You initiated this whole song-conversation. He wasn't even trying to talk to you via shit-ass-pop-song.

oh no

What happened? Did you step in a dog shit or something?

Why can't you see me through his eyes?

OK, I suppose we'll just gloss right over your random scream of "oh no" like it didn't happen. Um maybe he can't see you through the other guy's eyes because his eyes have already seen you at your very worst...wearing a flannel to that restaurant in Beverly Hills, asking the waiter if the bread is vegan and if the halibut tastes fishy. Also, get over him! I thought you were happy with the new guy. Why do you care how your ex sees you?

It's too bad, you're making me dizzy

What? I'm seriously so confused. Are you drunk? Have you turned to drugs? You're making minimal sense. You sound high.

Then after a "sweet" guitar riff for what feels like an hour she finally comes back with

But according to me you're stupid, you're useless
You can't do anything right

Whoa really? You just went first grade on him and pulled an advanced, "I know you are but what am I?"? All you did was just turn his insults on you around on him. The exact same ones! How immature and not creative. And then all she does is go on to state the same points made by the new guy who obviously doesn't know as much as me and my buddy the ex do. Let's see how he feels about this whole situation in a month. I bet he'll be begging to join us at the King's game by then. But by then me and the ex won't be going to King's games. We'll be too busy with our new project in the suburbs that helps senior citizens learn to tell jokes and put up siding on various domeciles. We're gonna be a hit. Wish us luck Orianthi!


  1. UGH. needed to be said. thank you so much for this.

  2. You are quite welcome sir! Thanks for reading.