Sunday, September 16, 2012

Fantasy Football Criminals

Fantasy Football is weird. It makes you root hardcore for Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, his retarded little brother, and a bunch of people who would be in prison if it wasn’t for their amazing ability to run fast, catch a ball, throw a ball, or tackle a guy who has a ball.

I still do it, but it’s weird. I have never rooted for this many Should-Be-Criminals ever! I feel so anti-police and anti-law when I do it. Like I’m an accomplice to their crimes.

If you were to write down all the players on your fantasy team and hand it to a police officer who did not follow football at all, he’d probably think you just handed him a list of suspects to the most recent crime he’s been solving. "Let me just enter this into our database. Yup, we have all repeat offenders...and one guy who supposedly dumped Jessica Simpson on her birthday."

Still don’t know if that’s true. Whatever. Go Romo! And Go People-Who-Happen-To-Stay-Out-Of-Jail-Because-They-Have-Enough-Money-And-Free-Tickets-To-Slip-The-Judge!

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