Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Will Someone Tell Me What Tunechi Is?

What is this tunechi business? Ever hear the song "The Motto" by Drake and Lil Wayne? At the very end of Lil Wayne's verse he just randomly spews out the word "tunechi". You might be thinking, "Is that even a word?" I know that's what I think every time I hear it. Is this just another made up word rappers are using to rhyme with other words? Nope! He's not even rhyming this with anything! It's just there! I couldn't figure it out! It sounds like something you would get at Korean BBQ. Yes we'll have the short rib, the bulgogi and make sure there is a side of tunechi. I need to have enough of that for myself and my date because we are real tunechi heads.

Then, I thought, why would he yell out a food commonly consumed at Korean BBQ at the end of his verse? That makes no sense. And we all know Lil Wayne is insistent on making complete sense when he raps. Why else would he, in the same song, tell you "Money talks. And Mr. Ed."? The two obviously go hand in hoof. It's hard for some people to untangle his complicated metaphorical raps, but I understand them. Don't worry bud, I'm holding you down. He's obviously saying, "Money has the ability to make people do things, and Mr. Ed, a popular TV character of the late 50s to early 60s, has the ability to speak English like humans do." I mean, how are rap audiences not understanding the magnitude of that line. It's like a gun loaded with knowledge. Thanks for all the wisdom Lil Wayne. You are truly a visionary. I heard a preview from a song off his next album. One part goes a little something like, "Comet cleans, and is the dog from Full House." It's awesome. He rhymes it with mouse, and talks about "Tom And Jerry" I think.


Anyway, getting back to my point...it can't be food from Korean BBQ. Lil Wayne wouldn't have that. It must mean something else. My next thought was, it sounds kinda like slang for vagina. Could he possibly be ending his verse on this popular song with, "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt! Vagina!" Now, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense either. Talking about a butt and then screaming out vagina? Why would he switch so quickly? Swinging from one side of the taint to the other in between sentences (do women have taints too?) without a care in the world. No! It must be something else! It must mean something!

I was tired of guessing so I looked it up. It turns out it's his nickname or something. A nickname that makes very little sense to me. I can get on board with Jay-Z calling himself Iceberg and 50 Cent calling himself Ferrari and Puff Daddy/P. Diddy/Diddy/Duff Paddy/Who Gives A Fuck Anymore changing his name every five god damn seconds but if I gotta call Lil Wayne, Tunechi...I'm gonna jump off the rap bandwagon. I've almost had it you guys! Seriously? Tunechi? What does that mean? Just call yourself Wayne! Why would you even call yourself Lil? Isn't "little" looked down upon for the most part in the rap community? And how come you can say a sentence, or as the rappers call it, a bar, and then just yell your name out? Am I allowed to do that? No! I've tried the whole, "Hey friends, I'm getting coffee, join me if you please. Steve!" It doesn't fucking work, so I'm not allowing you rappers to do it either!


If you've made it this far, thank you for reading my entire rant. It's important to me that people know I feel this way. I'm going to go back to listening to Kurtis Blow, the man of ONE NAME! And then I'm going to get some dinner in K-Town. Anyone want to join me? Bulgogi!

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