Monday, July 16, 2012

The Elf Scandal

You know what would be a lot more efficient than Santa having thousands of elves working in his toy shop? If Santa had thousands of regular sized people working in his toy shop. They could reach all the top shelves and stuff like that. They'd already have a knack for working, especially in assembly line type scenarios. I'm pretty sure elves up until that point only had experience shooting bows and arrows and casting magic spells on people. Maybe there was a couple who were pretty good at swinging a fishing net around and ricocheting laser beams back at the monsters who shot them out in the first place? And some can bake cookies. So, why would Santa have elves working in his shop? Well, obviously (Spoiler Alert if you're under 10 years old) Santa isn't real. People made those stories up. These stories were later depicted in books and most importantly movies. Now, who plays the elves in the old time Christmas movies?

Kids. Now, who do you not have to pay as much to be in a movie VS. adults? That's right. Kids. Last question. Who is easiest to trick into doing work for you if you pretend like it's a game? That would be kids again. Now, I'm not going to start making any accusations but how about I make a possible scenario?

We're going to be creating a story which we will later shoot as a movie. We need hundreds of people to depict all the toy builders in this crazy, mythical factory which I'm sure costs a fortune to keep warm in The North Pole. And forget about the cost of putting sealant on your windows, you get one bad draft and eesh! Three workers dead with pneumonia within minutes. Anyway, do we want to pay tons of regular people to depict all these workers? We don't. Do we feel alright paying half the estimated amount? Of course! That saves us a bundle! Then, let's hire kids! Oh! Guess the workers just became elves, which happen to look a lot like short, underdeveloped people lacking facila hair in lots of other places.

Oh and we have so many chores to do around here on set. Like sweep the floors, clean the windows, empty the rat traps...should we hire set guys? Or do we create the amazingly fascinating kids games of...Who Can Collect The Most Dust Bunnies?...and Who Can Race Their Damp Cloth Over Every Inch Of This Dirty Window The Fastest?...and Who Can Fill Their Bucket To The Top With Rat Pieces First?

I'm not saying it's definite. I'm just saying...why couldn't it have been adult toy makers? Those are the types of toy makers we currently have around these lines of latitude...

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