I like how I am when I'm delirious. I think I'm funnier. Mainly because I don't care as much.
I just got back from Von's, got me a late night Milky Way Midnight and a gallon of milk. I really hope the guy at the checkout thought I bought those two things to be consumed completely once I returned home. I feel like that's what it looked like. Whatever I wanted a candy bar and was low on milk. Also, this is 3:30 A.M. so that's an even stranger purchase at that time...I think.
But the guy is trying to scan my things and keeps muttering because he can't get the candy bar to scan. I don't realize this is why he's upset but then I hear him say, "What's the matter can't you see I'm in a rush?" I am currently reaching for my wallet and then say, "I'm getting my card right now." He looks up at me, still mad, maybe even more mad, "Not you. The Snickers Bar." I look back at him confused why he thinks it's justifiable to yell at a candy bar. And also why he thinks he's allowed to call it a Snickers Bar. "It's a Milky Way Midnight." I'm not sure why I felt the need to correct him. But he didn't seem to like it much. He finally scans it and hurriedly throws my stuff in a bag and snatches my receipt and shoves it at my face. Sorry bub, I'll let you get back to your Late-Night-Putting-A-Shit-Ton-Of-Boxes-In-The-Aisles-So-No-One-Can-Get-Through-But-Never-Unloading-The-Boxes-Or-Stocking-The-Shelves. That's what this night shift does.
I grab my bag, put my SHOVED AT ME receipt in the bag and walk off. As I stroll away I look right at the cashier and the other dufus standing nearby doing absolutely nothing. "Have a good night, guys." I say politely. They both say nothing at all. "OK me too!" I say more loudly. "What?" The cashier finally responds to me. "Yeah!" I respond laughing. I don't even know what that means or what was so funny. Now I'm the crazy guy who just bought a candy bar and a Fuck Ton of milk at 3:30 A.M. and talks and laughs to himself. I'll take that over being one of these morons who talks to candy bars and not to REAL HUMANS ACTUALLY TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION! I win!