Friday, June 8, 2012

When I'm Sober, When I'm Drunk

When I'm driving home with food in the car...
When I'm sober - I should drive faster so I get home before it gets cold.
When I'm drunk - I should breathe less so I'm not smelling up all the good flavor. Nobody wants to get home to flavorless food and only a noseful of yummy.

When I'm peeing in a public bathroom...
When I'm sober - I wish no one were in here, I'm having so much trouble going!
When I'm drunk - These urinal cakes smell so good, do they taste just as good? You know, before I pee on them.

When I'm eating McDonald's...
When I'm sober - This is so bad!
When I'm drunk - This is so good!

When I'm watching "Full House"...
When I'm sober - I'm not going to change the channel, but why did anyone ever think these story lines would be entertaining to human beings?
When I'm drunk - I hope this is the episode where you hear what Comet is thinking!

When I'm at a bar...
When I'm sober - What's the point of being here? It's so much cheaper to buy beer at the store and drink it at home.
When I'm drunk - Why didn't everyone I invite show up?! This is the greatest invention ever!

When I've been playing Guitar Hero for 3 hours...
When I'm sober - Why haven't I stopped playing this game?!
When I'm drunk - 1 more hour and I should be ready to start my own band!

When I'm watching Inception...
When I'm sober - Great movie.
When I'm drunk - I don't remember how I got here. Am I in a dream?! Or does it have to do with the 10 empty beer bottles around me.

When I'm watching Spongebob...
When I'm sober - This show's great!
When I'm drunk - This show's great!

Some things never change.

1 comment:

  1. this one is very nice:) free writting :) put some melody on it if you can this is very good:.. like u can sing it when ur drunk, with friends.... or bored hehhee.. love it!