Saturday, June 30, 2012

I Got Some Theories

I would like to preface this theory by saying I have plenty of gay friends and I fully support gay marriage. I think they should all get married. Weddings are a great place to get drunk. Now, that you know my belief system inside and out I present to you...

Theory #1 - I don't think putting gay guys in prison is punishment. That would be like if I murdered someone and you put me in the Playboy Mansion with my weiner dressed up as a carrot. Playboy Bunnies like carrots right? Stephen Avitabile, your sentence is 5-10......amazing orgasms a day. Yeah, I'm not hating that. So maybe the bad gay guys should have to go somewhere else. Like somewhere with a lack of a sense of style. The Wal-Mart clothing department. There we go.

Speaking of Wal-Mart I present to you...

Theory #2 - I don't think Wal-Mart should be allowed to sell clothes, food, bikes, guns, condoms, medicine and Incredible Hulk fists if they're going to yell at me for playing Hide-And-Seek-Tag with my friends in their store. You're basically running an Adult-Pleasure-Palace-Arcade...don't steal the wind from beneath my wings when I'm mid flight. That's like giving me a free airline ticket and shoving 9 ounces of water in my carry on when I'm not looking (that's thrice the alotted amount, people). Either you let me play games how I see fit or you cannot sell everything under the sun in one location. That's the new rule Wal-Mart!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Los Feliz Web Series Episode 7

I know, I know. At this point you've realized my favorite thing to do on a Wednesday is to tell you all about the newest episode of Los Feliz. And my favorite thing to do on a Tuesday is get Dollar-Twenty-Five-Fish-Tacos at Taco Tuesday Rubio's. It's cheap and tasty which is refreshing in this day and age plus it helps get me pumped for Los Feliz Wednesdays! Must be all the Pump Up Properties in the corn tortillas. The flour tortillas are like a delicious sedative.

Anyway, Episode 7 is out today. You should check it out, get caught up if you need to. As always I'll post a link below to all our episodes we have so far. In this episode...well shit is getting more and more intense. More intense than camping. And unless you camp like Bear Grylls, you know how In Tents camping is. There's some violence in this episode...so you may want to cover the kids' eyes if they're watching the computer with you. Most of it appears to be real but isn't (thanks to our great acting) and some of it is actually real. You should see if you can figure out which part is real. I'll give you a hint, it involved me. And I was struck over and over to assure there was a good take. I feel like we got it after 4 takes...but apparently 12 more were needed to be absolutely sure. But I'm a good sport about it. And I own enough lotion to smooth out the sore spots if need be.

The episodes have much more to offer than just violence...though we did kind of put the Rush Hour movies to shame with our hilarious action. Suck a man Jackie Chan, you ain't top dog of that world no more. Kidding, but seriously, check out the episode. I'm proud of it, it's a good one. And it was a lot of fun to film. Especially since every time I wanted something I told our producer Kevin Hinman, "The talent needs a (insert object to be retrieved here)". He never caught on that I was just being a dick. It was hysterical.

Episode 7 Here! And Previous Episodes If You Need Them!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Blood City - Episode 3

No one's ever been super pumped to live in Blood City. The football and baseball teams moved away to a larger market, Oklahoma City (I know, I'm as confused as you are, bigger market?!), and the basketball team, The Bloodies, well let's just say the team mascot is a correct depiction of the team's players. He is a bloodied, injured man...and he is the most ready to be starting point guard. That's sad, when not only an injured man is most suited for a starting position, but when the most suited person is a mascot. No one's ever though mascots were athletic, or good with women, or anyone you'd even want to talk to, they've just been known for their cart wheels and Pump-Up-The-Crowd Talents. In addition Blood City just all around sucks. And don't even get me started on gas prices. I'm gonna construct a car that runs on the prosciutto because believe me honey, that would be less expensive! I know!

And another problem. The heat! Blood City gets so hot the sky turns into hot colors! And it just looks menacing! Blood City is also one of just 6 cities in the U.S. that doctors say is unsafe to leave a baby in the car during the summer months! This city can kill you in more ways than one, especially if you wear a diaper. But don't think adults are safe in the car. No, no! You too are in danger dependent tax-payers! Stay hydrated! And this brings us back up to speed. If you remember from Episode 2, Zaron had discovered that Luke had Princess Una Mae in her car.

He raced out to the parking lot and there sat Luke's mint condition PT Cruiser, wood paneling, air conditioning, basically something that would cart around a hip-hop mogul. This baby was top of the line, as far as cruisers go. And there it was carelessly left in the sun! He better hurry up and make sure Una Mae had not yet suffered dehydration or heat stroke or car sickness!

Oh what a relief! There she is, good as a new.....born baby left in a car in any city other than Blood City, Oakland, Houston, Miami, Santa Fe, and St. Paul. (I know what you're thinking here too. The only 6 cities not to leave a baby in the car during the summer months, 5 have hot summers and one is located in Minnesota. But that's only because in St. Paul in the summer months Jehovah's Witnesses no longer go door to door in neighborhoods, but now to cars' doors in parking lots. And we all know how susceptible babies are to new religions).

"Don't you worry, Princess" Said Zaron all suave like. "I'm taking you back to where you belong, and collecting my cash reward. Then I will promptly hit up a P.F. Chang's for I am hungry from all this searching, and what with my new found cash I believe I deserve a treat." Una Mae looked at him puzzled. "P.F. Chang's is a treat to you?"

Zaron got in the car and silently drove it off towards the town castle. Yes, to some people, the Changs is a step UP from every day life.

As Zaron drove on silently he realized the driver next to him was getting uncomfortably close. The truck was swerving all over the road. "Oh sheesh! A drunk driver this early?!" Exclaimed Zaron.

The driver of the truck waved to Zaron as he whispered to himself and/or no one in particular, "Not a drunk driver. A drunk car thief! Ah, who am I kidding? I got blasted alone at an iHop and now I'm realizing I can upgrade easily from this hunk a junk truck to that smooth, sleek, sexy PT Cruiser!" Clearly the car all men want and all women want to be "loved" in. This car ain't just for grandmas anymore, America.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Los Feliz Web Series Episode 6

Yes, yes it's true! Episode 6 of Los Feliz is here!

If you saw Episode 5 you would have noticed there were two new characters introduced. One of which is returning in this episode, and we even throw in ANOTHER new character! Shit's getting real hectic in Los Feliz (slightly over 50% filmed in Los Feliz). I liked this episode a lot. Filming it was fun. I got to work with some food, some poultry, I won't name the specifics, but it may be a piece of poultry that rhymes with lickin, which is what I was doing to my fingers since it was soooo good!

There was actually one scene where I am making a dish for myself, and grabbing some food, and we had to do the scene many, many times. Each time I wanted to eat the food. But I was not allowed to, not until we were done shooting the scene. Needed to keep the continuity of the scene correct. But the food looked and smelled so delicious it was so tough. Probably the hardest part of that scene, not even remembering the lines, just...not eating the food. I finally plowed into that feast when we finished filming, didn't even care that it was cold by that point, I just needed it.

Anyway, if you want to watch Episode 6 it is currently up. And if you need to catch up, as always, the past 5 episodes can be found on the website and on YouTube. I hope you enjoy!

Watch Episodes 1-6 Of Los Feliz Here Also See Me Man Handle A Chicken!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

CONFUSING! ANNOYING! STUPID!

My walk to Starbuck's.

First passed a man, and I use the word "man" loosely, who was dressed in quite a strange manner. Ballet slippers. Yup. Those show no support on sidewalks, yet he thought they were a good idea anyway. Lady's jean shorts. Yes, and he was on the hair side. Probably in the top 30th percentile of hairiest men in the U.S. Don't care to see even his shins let alone half of his thighs. Gray shirt the read, NACHOS. I would laugh at that shirt regardless. But what a guy-type shirt to wear with lady's clothes! Nachos are like the ultimate guy food. And this "guy's" shirt promotes them. Yet his bottom half promoted lady's dancing. I don't know where this guy was coming from or where he was headed. I'm pretty sure he didn't either. CONFUSING!

Then, I get to Starbuck's and outside sit two of the worst kind of people. Two girls, who are obviously extremely into drinking and partying and extremely not into the sun. They sat beneath the umbrellas, in total shade, and still decided placing their jackets over their heads like they were journeying through a desert, was a good idea! The sun is not touching you at all girls! That's the beauty of the umbrella! You do not need to wear Jacket-Turbans! Also, if you don't like the sun...sit inside! This particular Starbuck's happens to have way more seating inside! Like four times as much! And I went inside and there were plenty of spaces to sit in. No excuses for how dumb these girls are. And if that's not bad enough, let me get to the worst part. As I said, extremely into drinking and partying. How do I know this? The entire time I was there all I overheard them talking about was how hungover they currently were and about how hungover they've been past times. They were those types of people who need to out-do everyone else with how hungover they've been. "No, I'm the coolest because I've been more hungover than you!" I'm all for funny hangover stories, but I leave competition for actual physical sports and sweet ass board games. No one should be proud of being the sickest off of optional over-consumption of liquid. Dummy. Dummies, in fact. Because they were both that type of person. "Well, have you ever woken up in a dog house?" "Well have you ever woken up outside on a trampoline?" "Well have you ever woken up amidst three dudes and your underwear was on the TV?" "Well have you ever woken up in a dude's bed and you don't remember his name?" Hey, either of you two sluts ever wake up and realize your complete wastes of space and food and seats that I could be sitting in? Sorry if the word sluts seemed harsh, but here at SteveInevitable we (I) are looking to tell the truth, not make friends. Every story these girls told they got worse and worse, yet they thought it made themselves cooler and cooler. They don't understand what Cool is, that Cool keeps it's underwear on for at least 70% of it's life, and that Cool doesn't brag about being a sick, whorish train-wreck. ANNOYING!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Los Feliz Web Series Episode 5

Hey Weiner-Havers and Boobie-Havers!

After a long break our show, Los Feliz, is back with Episode 5. I don't say this following statement just because it is the most recent episode, but I truly think this is our best episode yet! That might partially be due to the fact that it was the most recent episode we've filmed. We got our footing along the way and learned what were the best ways to do things, so naturally each next thing we shot got that much better. For secrets I can't tell you, episode 5 was put off to be shot much later. We shot basically everything from episodes 1-4 and 6-8 in 2 weeks in January. What we were going to shoot for Episode 5 didn't work out, so we had to take it on in a new approach. Which is what you can see today.

So, this episode was shot entirely within the past few weeks. And I really think that attributes to it being our best episode yet, plus that and it's a fucking awesome story. Excuse the language. Or don't. The word "fucking" will be on your screen regardless. And it needs to be. Fucking awesome, you guys. In addition, when you watch this episode, you might notice at the very end during the credits, that you will see my name appear twice! Yes, that is because in addition to playing Stanford I also did some sound work. I literally just learned what I needed to know the night before shooting. I give props to Kevin Hinman, he speed-taught me everything I know about sound. I was like a deaf man before this experience. If while watching it you notice there is one scene that is especially bad, in terms of audio, um...then that wasn't the scene I did. I did a different scene. One of the better ones.

But hopefully you don't notice anything like that, I didn't. It all seems to flow real well together. I'm real proud of this episode and the job everyone did on it. Also, if you look closely you may notice that Will Smith does a cameo in this episode. Wait, is it still a cameo if it's involuntary? Eh, whatever. Yes, he does a cameo! The Fresh Prince Of Los Feliz! Which is not all that far from Bel Air....in terms of....the entire world. So, check out our episode 5! Catch up first if you need to! And see if you can spot 1 Will Smith and 2 Stephen Avitabiles. That's right, I'm plural now bitches!

Episodes Of Los Feliz Here (And A One Way Ticket To Boner Town)

Monday, June 11, 2012

I've Been Taking Notes, Mother Fuckers

I've been taking notes, Mother Fuckers. In fact, I've been taking copious notes.

You there, with the Ed Hardy shirt on. You only like to say douchey things, don't you? It's funny, there's so much going on, on your shirt. But so little going on in your head. What is that design? A tiger's face with about a thousand squiggly lines surrounding it? Great shirt. And what can you muster up to say when someone hands you a beer? "Yeah buddy." Or maybe "Sweet bro." And how about when a hot girl walks by? "Yeah buddy." Or maybe "Sweet bro." What if your friend pulled up in your driveway in a new car and just announced he's taking you to a bar to celebrate his new whip? "Yeah buddy." Or maybe "Sweet bro." You got less range than my pull string Power Rangers toy as a child.

Yeah, I've noticed. It's all here in my notes. Where you guys headed? Probably just one of the "sickest bars", right? Is it going to be lined shoulder to shoulder, wall to wall, Ed Hardy shirt to Affliction shirt, with douches all trying to grind on the same chick? Are drinks going to be more expensive than a foot long sub...at any sandwich shop?! Will the music be so loud you can't hear it? And thank God you can't because it's probably only about such mind provoking thoughts such as "living life" and "being here and now" and "it is what it is" and "let's go". Is this your "sick bar"? I knew it. You go there every weekend, right? Why wouldn't you? It's a classy place. Nothing says class like dressing up to the liking of a tree-trunk-necked-ex-lineman on a stool at the front door to get dry humped into sweaty misery by total strangers to the beat of hip-hop-electronica-dickfuck-fusion.

Friday, June 8, 2012

When I'm Sober, When I'm Drunk

When I'm driving home with food in the car...
When I'm sober - I should drive faster so I get home before it gets cold.
When I'm drunk - I should breathe less so I'm not smelling up all the good flavor. Nobody wants to get home to flavorless food and only a noseful of yummy.

When I'm peeing in a public bathroom...
When I'm sober - I wish no one were in here, I'm having so much trouble going!
When I'm drunk - These urinal cakes smell so good, do they taste just as good? You know, before I pee on them.

When I'm eating McDonald's...
When I'm sober - This is so bad!
When I'm drunk - This is so good!

When I'm watching "Full House"...
When I'm sober - I'm not going to change the channel, but why did anyone ever think these story lines would be entertaining to human beings?
When I'm drunk - I hope this is the episode where you hear what Comet is thinking!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Blog On A Vlog

Blog On A Vlog? It's like the Inception of Internet Shit!

No, really all this is, is me promoting more stuff to do with our web series, Los Feliz. Episode 4 came out 2 weeks ago, and we've had some time off. Episode 5 comes out next week, but in the meantime Bernard decided to put up a Vlog on the show. And there will be more to come. It's good because if you're a fan of the show you can ask questions on the Facebook Page or ask the Twitter Page or however you want to ask, and then you might get your question answered if you're lucky...via the vlog! Bernard already answered some questions on this one and talked about some other points he wanted to bring up.

And if you're a fan of my blog,
And check out his vlog,
And ask a question but he doesn't get to it on his vlog,
Then come back to my blog,
Whether or not you my dogg,
Ask me and I'll help to clear the fog (fog here is used as a metaphor for confusion, plus it's all rhymey).

Got it? We're all very willing to answer questions and listen to comments and what not. We just want you guys to watch the show and like it. So, whilst you wait for Episode 5 to rear it's beautiful head (can you really rear a head if it isn't ugly?) you should check out our first vlog.

Vlog Here Mate!