Monday, May 14, 2012

2 Shitty Lists

So, apparently the trend I was trying to set finally caught on! I haven’t left a funny list in a store in awhile, and I just happened to find one at Von’s the other day. I was so glad someone wanted to join in on the fun! They must have seen my examples and wanted to try one on their own! Oh and they did a funny one, let’s take a look at what they came up with.

Diapers. 3. You looking to buy 3 single diapers? Like...out of the pack? Yeah right, no one wants to buy 3 diapers. Nice try, joker. Wipes. Wipes? Like...for the bum? For the bum of the baby with the 3 diapers he’s only ever gonna get. Yo, what does this baby run you? Let’s get some adult items on your list! Cherrioes! Those must be the types of Cheerios that Charles Barkley eats. Or if not then your spelling is just turrible. And your baby still runs you! Those Cheerios are for the baby I know it! Seriously, take a stand Pathetic Parent! Well, I’d make some more jokes about the next two things on your list but I do not even know what they are. Not even sure I can read them.

Nice first attempt but you’ll have to try harder next time. Give me some more items. Give me some more funny. And learn how to spell. And just buy diapers in packs, it’s way easier then trying to find the singles.

No joke, I finish grabbing everything I need at the store and head up to the registers. I put my stuff down on the conveyor belt and as I’m waiting a lady comes up behind me and starts to put her stuff down. She puts the little plastic divide thingy down that nobody seems to know what it’s called. Then she unloads her cart. 4 gigantic packs of toilet paper! And 4 giant tubs of ice cream. I am not lying, that was her entire purchase. Really? That is the entirety of your purchase lady? I was very confused until she dropped her list and I glanced at it. Lucky for you I managed to swipe it so I could take a picture. Here it is.

Ignore the fact that it’s in my handwriting. Ohhh, this all makes sense now. See how she signed it Linda The Lactose Intolerant? I mean, it’s weird that she signs her grocery lists, and so sincerely, but it’s not weird that she signs it with that clever nickname that was given to her in grade school. Kids can be so cruel, but they’re usually the best at giving nicknames. And what else would you make you shit like crazy as a lactose intolerant person, than 98 pounds of ice cream? And of course you need something to clean up your backside afterwards. Hey, this Linda lady is leading an odd kind of life, but at least she ain’t letting no baby run shit for her. She’s letting her shit run out her. And that, as they say, was 2 shitty lists!


  1. I agree with you ultimate ASSessment but if we can't laugh at ourselves, its not really fair to laugh at others! ;-)

  2. Very good point, but don't worry, I laugh at myself more than anyone else. This is why I feel the right to be able to criticize who ever I want...since I always make fun of myself. And deservingly so.