Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Mild Apocalypse

Today’s complaints from peers.

- Man, what’s up with the weather today?

- It was sunny before, now there’s clouds!

- It was nice out before. Pretty hot. Now, it’s all cold!

- Whoa! All of a sudden it’s raining now!

- It wasn’t this windy before!

- All these changes in the weather, it’s like the Apocalypse!

At first I agreed with these complaints, then I realized, it was about 71 degrees in the afternoon. Several hours later it had dropped maybe 15 degrees. It went from partially sunny to partially cloudy. There was no precipitation, then there was. A change of Slight-Breeze-To-No-Wind to Slight-Breeze-To-Slightly-Windy has occurred. If this is the Apocalypse, this is the most Mild Apocalypse anyone could ever imagine!

I further reviewed the complaints I had heard all day and came to the conclusion that....well....people just complain a lot. About everything. A 15 degree drop in the temperature...over the course of 4 hours? We have trouble dealing with that? And rain after no rain? Well, it has to come after something. Rain can’t come after rain. It’s going to have to occur after none other than, NO RAIN! That’s not anything to complain about. That’s just what happens. And quite often! And clouds, well guess what, those fuckers just exist! And they move around all the time! Sometimes we see them, sometimes we don’t. Wind...yeah it’s always different! These were the most mild climate changes I can remember for awhile and yet people are still gawking over how “tremendous” they are. Have we just run out of things to talk about? And do we complain too much? Yes. And YES!

Guess what, next time I walk outside and the sun has gone away and the moon has come out to play I am not going to complain about how crazy it is the light has disappeared. One, because I’m not 1 day old and experiencing my first ever 24 hours and two, because it’s not interesting or worth bringing up. People do this all the time. Find something minor to complain about, just to complain, just to talk. See that pizza place? I ate there 5 months ago. It’s not very good pizza. Thanks for telling me, I wasn’t even looking at it, shit-head. Also, aren’t we looking for a good place to eat? Stop telling me about the bad places to eat.

Don’t worry if you’re noticing you do this. I do this too. But I have been trying to make myself stop. Because there’s only so many times you can have the weather conversations and not want to blow your head off. Sometimes when people start talking about the weather I completely change the subject. Just so I don’t have to hear them say, what I already heard on the radio, what I already saw on the TV, what I already read in the newspaper. OK, I don’t read the newspaper, but you get my point! But why would I? The newspaper is just one of these people, but readable, and 35 cents. Is that what newspapers cost these days? I don’t even know. Who even buys those things? We’re not 70 years old. And we have the internet. And we’re interested in things other than the DOW. Aren’t we?

Anyway, I’m just saying I’ve had enough of this complaining. Now, I know I complain all the time, but my complaints are worthy. Unique. They’re Hurt-Your-Feelings-If-You’re-A-Boring-Mother-Fucker Type Complaints. They’re not these Mild-Complaints that don’t mean shit. I’ve had it with those. I mean if the only scenario that would keep you from complaining is constant 68 degree temperature with a slight breeze and no precipitation ever, and no moon, and perfect pizza, well then keep me the fuck away from your dream land. It sounds dull as balls! I need variety and change. They keep things spicy. Know what’s not fun? A rollercoaster that constantly goes 20 mph in a straight line without any changes in altitude. Get the picture? Keep it spicy! Keep it coming mother nature! Throw me some more climate changes. You’re doing great! Give me Mild Apocalypse all day! I like it when I go outside and it’s different each time! Keeps me on my toes. Oh and also when it’s raining the complainers tend to stay inside and then I don’t have to listen to them bitch. That’s always a plus.

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