Thursday, April 5, 2012

Breakfast For Dinner

Setting - The Arctic. Or The Antarctic. Whatever it is. Some place that’s cold as shit. Cold and unforgiving. Like, think of the most beautiful weather you can think of. Super sunny, bright, not too humid, not too warm, green grass, a light breeze just at the right time all the time. That’s basically like L.A. Or Greece. Now think of that as being the vagina of the world. The warmest, nicest place you want to be. Now think of the asshole, the last spot you want to inhabit. The asshole of the world. That’s where this is. Barren. Unkind. Yet something manages to live in this desolate hellhole. Or asshole. Something beautiful.

A wonderful polar bear. And what’s that he’s headed towards? Is that breakfast for dinner? Looks like it! His favorite! I mean, who doesn’t love breakfast for dinner? It’s night time. Your nose detects breakfast smells. Your nose buds get all confused but in a good way like when you find $20 in your shoe and you don’t know why. It’s an exciting time! Breakfast for dinner, you guys! Bacon and eggs, sunny side up! And your favorite evening programming is on. You can even have a night time beer with your breakfast! Go on, dig in!

Ah! But wait! What’s this?! Breakfast for dinner is revolting against the polar bear! Breakfast usually has no problem being eaten, it’s breakfast’s purpose in life. Maybe it’s that breakfast is refusing to be consumed at night for dinner! That’s gotta be it! What makes breakfast special is the time it’s consumed. If you take that away from it, it’s just eggs and thin strips of ham! The bacon and eggs have turned themselves into an angry body, flinging it’s parts at poor polar bear! He flees the scene in terror. Salty, delicious, crunchy strips of hog pelting him in the back as he retreats to his igloo. And yes these pieces of bacon are crunchy. That’s how I like them. With a little crunch to them!

Polar bear will wait in his igloo until the night has passed. He will wait until morning to consume breakfast for dinner for breakfast. But what will he have for dinner? There’s probably some frozen dinners in his living room, but who likes dinner frozen? Everything is cold here! Can’t he have something warm for once?! I guess he’ll get to have that warm breakfast in the morning. Sure it will still be warm in the morning! It’s going to be working up a sweat fighting off predators all night. It’s kind of a weird defense for a creature to fling it’s tastiest parts at another creature trying to consume it due to it’s tasty nature. But it works for some reason! In the morning, breakfast will be all tuckered out, ready to be eaten, at the right time. Willingly. Happily. Sounds like a weird version of morning sex. But polar bear doesn’t care how weird it sounds. Sure it’s been a Scrambled night. Things didn’t go Over Easy. But he ain’t no Benedict. He ain’t going back on his word. He’s having those eggs! Ha. Egg jokes.

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