Sunday, January 15, 2012

My New Restaurant

Tonight’s special is a Hot Dog that I microwaved. The holes were poked by a fork halfway through the cooking process. This is also when the salt and parmesan cheese was introduced. The Hot Dog was then cooked until the ends of it bubbled up and started to split open.

It is served on a bed of Instant Mashed Potatoes. They were Fast Roasted. That’s right, cooked in less than 3 minutes.

Along with this, is your choice of half an apple I didn’t finish from before or plain lettuce.

For dessert I have prepared a Dorito Pie with a Frito Crust. It’s both Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch because I didn’t have a full bag of either.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Insane In The Ukraine!

I realized I hadn’t done a post for the year 2012 yet and decided it was time to remedy that situation. And what better way to start the new year off then by paying respect to my fans with another Country Appreciation Post? I get views from different countries here and there but most of them come from the U.S. Though recently a new juggernaut had been climbing up the rankings of my stat board that I look at every day like a huge nerd. For awhile #2 and #3 belonged to Germany and United Kingdom respectively. Not any more. Not since I started getting views from Ukraine! First it started off as an innocent love affair. A view here. A view there. But then it escalated. Six views on Tuesday. Nine on Wednesday. And the weekend, forget about it! It was like I told America I was going on a fishing trip but really I was just getting some Ukraine love from Saturday afternoon all the way to the break a break a dawn!

I had no idea what it was but I loved it! Still love it! I still get views all the time from Ukraine! Like I said they passed Germany and United Kingdom (where I actually know people who look at my blog) and are standing confidently in second place. I’ve even seen the U.S. looking over it’s shoulder a few times. So, what is it? I don’t know anyone in Ukraine. I don’t even know much about it. What’s going on over there? Things are just Insane In The Ukraine!

So, I decided to learn more about it. Right off the bat I wondered why I often call it “The Ukraine” as opposed to just “Ukraine”. Well, I read that many people argue that saying “The Ukraine” is incorrect yet it’s perfectly correct. Hell, I wouldn’t complain. I’d embrace it. Putting “The” in front of things makes them seem that much more important and epic. For instance, when I talk about legendary actor, Kevin Bacon, I often refer to him as “The Bacon” to show my respect for him. “Yo, you’ve never seen The Bacon kill those giant worm weiners in Tremors? You crazy, bitch!” (Then we broke up.) Or another instance. Another legend. James Franco. “The Franco”. “Two arms, one arm, no arms, I don’t care. I’ll watch anything with The Franco!” And that’s true. The man gives my funny bone a boner. Don’t think it gross. Getting a boner due to someone’s actions is one of the best signs of appreciation you can give to them. Even if it comes from another body part. Getting back on track, I say embrace “The Ukraine”! I also call it, The U.S. I do it with The UK as well. Maybe it’s just things that start with a U. Not sure, but I know it sounds The Ultimately bad ass.