Friday, November 4, 2011

A Shit Ton Of Apples

You may or may not have seen one of my previous posts, Batman's Shopping List, but it was essentially a made-up shopping list I created and decided to leave at a store somewhere in hopes someone would find it and think it was real. It had all ridiculous stuff on it, mainly that only Batman would need to buy, along with regular food items. It’s something I do often. Leave my shopping lists around town, but only after changing them slightly to make them HILARIOUS. Or at least a little funny.

I have since created a page on Facebook (which has a plethora of Likers) called Dick Medicine, in which I post pictures of lists I leave around in stores. Some with the classic “Dick Medicine” addition. Anyway, I hadn’t done one in awhile. Had to go to the store the other day...here was my list...


It starts off normally. Juice of oranges. OK, most wouldn’t word it that way. But most people purchase juice. Milk. Sure. Cookie mix. Yeah, that goes along with the milk. Soup. Normal. Cough drops. Pretty normal. Do we have a sick shopper on our hands? A shit ton of apples. Hm. Is this customer going on The Machinist diet? Only eating apples for the next...shit ton...of days? Multiple pigs with mouths open. Nope! I’ve figured it out! He wants all the apples to put in all the pigs mouths for when he cooks them for his guests at his...luau? Candy for trick or treaters. Oh OK. Yeah Halloween just happened. He must have been stocking up for the little buggers. Candy for girl at Chili’s. What girl? A waitress? An employee of some sort? You bought her candy? Do you plan on giving it to her next time you go in for a country fried steak? Do you even know her name? Maybe you should learn that first. That’s a weird present for a waitress. I hope you aren’t planning on asking for her number afterwards. Lettuce. Well, yeah. For salads.

Hm, weird combo of items. And did you have to distinguish between candy for trick or treaters and for the girl at Chili’s? Couldn’t you just buy a whole bunch of candy and then figure it out later? And who am I asking? I made the list. And I left it in aisle 10. In hopes an employee would find it and have a good laugh. And I’m posting it in Dick Medicine. On facebook. Yup.

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