Wednesday, October 12, 2011


A friend of mine recently read my post “Elewaiters”. He said that by the name he expected it to be about Elephant Waiters. I can see where he got that from. It can be a little misleading. “Elewaiters” however is about people who wait too close for the elevator. I have dubbed them elewaiters. But I started thinking about Elephant Waiters. Just him mentioning that sparked a whole train of thoughts in my head. So, that’s why I decided to do this post on Waiterphants. Waiters that are elephants.

As you can see above we have a Waiterphant. He is reviewing his notes in his notebook so that he knows where each dish goes. Here’s the thing, he doesn’t even have to do that. Because an elephant never forgets. Becoming a waiter is such an obvious career choice for an elephant. Remembering orders, no problem he says! He just writes them down to make the customers feel satisfied. There’s nothing more aggravating than a waiter who doesn’t write down the order and then when you ask him about it he says, “Don’t worry. Got a great memory.” Then, not only is the dressing not on the side of my salad, but my steak is a chicken. You done fucked up fool! Waiterphants never forget and they’re courteous enough to write the order down to ease our minds.

Here’s the next best thing. They can carry out so many more plates than Waitermans (Waiters that are humans...catchy little name I thought of). They just the balance the plates on their extremely long trunk like some sort of circus act. Now, they walk out to the dining room with their hands free for high-fiving and sign language and can still carry multiple plates at once! Amazing!

Yeah, that’s right. We got the table all the way to the left which ordered the hamburger with fries along with the chicken drumsticks, peas, and yellow mashed potatoes I guess? I don’t know, I drew this real quick and that looked like a meal to me. Then, we got the next table, another table of two. One of them ordered the pink, green and yellow blob combo and the other ordered the more classic orange, blue and pink blob combo. These two must be married. On a strict blob diet. Then, there’s the loner sitting far off to the right by himself facing the wall. Got blue, yellow and pink blobs but the blobs are all lumpy. Really? You got weird, lumpy blob food and you got it while alone? What’s wrong with you?

I hope at the very least it’s what he always orders because that Waiterphant will never forget. He’ll refer to it as his usual, get it out to him promptly and still have time to laugh about the weird meal choice with his buds at the watering hole. Some other good things about Waiterphants, they have no problems wearing a suit to work and they basically work for peanuts.

1 comment:

  1. every time i get on an elevator i think of your comments on people who do this.. and they are so true