Monday, October 17, 2011

Israel Appreciation Day

Recently I was checking the stats on my blog and one random day I had 106 page views from the country of Israel! In one day! That’s an insane amount. Considering I had only had one page view from Israel in the entire time I had my blog. And on average I have 35 page views total per day. I was quite fixated on this amount. What did I do differently that sparked this interest from this parliamentary republic in the Middle East? Oh I did my research. You got to when you realize you have an extended fan base (or a bunch of people unfortunately stumbling upon your blog randomly).

Did I recently have some posts about Judaism? Not so. Am I often confused as someone who follows Judaism? Yes this is true. Maybe they picked up on this. However, I don’t follow Judaism. I don’t dismiss it, I just haven’t been reeled in yet. I haven’t been reeled in by anything yet really. Religions, sciences, none of them have hooked me yet. Maybe they picked up on this and realized that space on my personal profile is still open. Maybe this is Israel’s big plan to recruit more followers. Find the young bloggers on the internet that are trying to make it as a funny man. Show them the light of Judaism. Show them the pamphlets. “Check out all these successful funny people. Notice a trend? A pattern? Notice the religion most of them follow? Are you enticed yet?” I’ll tell you what Israel, despite the fact that pamphlet was made cheaply at Kinko’s, I AM enticed!

Is this really going to help me out with my career? What’s the trick? Is there a certificate I get? Something to add to my resume? I bet applying for a writing job helps when under special skills on my resume I’m allowed to list, “Being Jewish”. I heard that’s the equivalent to a pretty girl blowing a director. Automatic minimum three line part in a blockbuster movie. Maybe Judaism could be my sex favor. Now, I don’t want the true, current followers of Judaism to be offended by this. I am going to research the religion thoroughly before I decide to sign on with you all. I’m not making a rash decision here. So, let’s take a look at some things...


75% of funny people involved with TV and movies are Jewish. 15% are black. Another 5% are other races I am not. The last 5% is the category I currently fit in. If I convert to Judaism I tack on another 75% and I now have a total of 80% of demographic that I fit into. Advantage.

Jewish people on average make 15% more money per year than the next leading religion. They sit alone at the top. They also spend 35% less than any other religion. Second place for both categories belongs to Hinduism and since too many of the gods and goddesses of Hinduism have lots of arms and remind me of my phobia of octopuses, octopi, or octopodes (look it up, all three are legitimate forms for the plural of octopus) I’m going to have to dismiss that one. Judaism still reigns high for me in this category.

And lastly, when you’re Jewish, that’s your excuse for having a big nose. Right now I don’t have an excuse. I think I like this deal.

Now, I don’t want anyone to take offense to all this. I’m just having some fun here, and I don’t honestly dismiss anyone’s beliefs. I think everyone has their right to express ideas of how the world works and how everything started. I just also am interested in a career in writing and right now Judaism has the most benefits. I got to do what makes sense. You wouldn’t run for Pope if you were interested in the porn industry. Right? No. You would run for like a U.S. Senator or something, know what I mean?

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