Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Dairy Free Whipped Cream

I try not to be too critical of people and their choices but sometimes they’re just asking for it. The other day I’m at line in Starbuck’s. I feel like I have had a few blog posts starting in this same scenario. And usually results in some idiocy occurring. What is it with lines at coffee places? The morons just breed there. And showcase their idiocracy.

Anyway, I’m behind a woman in line. She orders her coffee. Then, the barista asks her if she wants whipped cream on her drink. She goes on to ask if the whipped cream is dairy free. This annoyed me slightly, but wasn’t the most annoying part. However, dairy free whipped cream? What is that? Whipped...soy? Whatever it is...if it even exists...cannot be good. I imagine packing peanuts blended to a fine fluffy powder and crammed into an aerosol can. There you have it. Dairy free whipped cream. Though cream is pure dairy so I think you would just call it dairy free whipped.

Second, why are you asking if they have dairy free whipped cream? They most probably do not. It’s just a Starbuck’s. They’re only going to have one type of whipped cream I’m sure. Also, the type of person who asks if the whipped cream is dairy free once, strikes me as the type of person who asks it all the time. And in this day and age I would hope those people often get responded to with a “No”. Which makes me wonder why they’re still asking.

Either way, they respond with a no. And I’m not too annoyed yet. The lady says, she doesn’t want it. OK, so she must be lactose intolerant. Right? Wrong! She gets her coffee and promptly adds a whopping amount of sugar and CREAM! What?! You will add half and half, which I refer to as non-whipped cream, but not whipped cream? Can the cream you add to your coffee not be whipped? Is that a rule you have? What is this about?! I deny the lack of dairy free whipped cream, but I add a generous helping of regular cream! Do I have a reason for this? Probably not! I’m just some sort of finicky weird-o!

I don’t know if this lady thought no one would notice this stunt she pulled, but I was watching her like a hawk. I totally saw. I know you’re up to something lady. Whether you’re trying to test the Starbuck’s baristas or you’re pushing for this non-dairy whipped cream invasion...I’m onto you. Don’t think for a second you’re going to get away with this scheme. You got eyes on you. And if there is no scheme...well maybe that’s a possibility. Maybe you’re just utterly helpless and idiotic. And you don’t know what you’re doing when you get to the counter of a coffee shop. You believe the more you talk and the more questions you ask the smarter you’ll seem. But you have slipped up. Stepped in a pile of moron. You done asked the wrong question, child.

Here’s a tip to you and all the other people with too many questions at coffee shops. If you got that many questions about the ingredients, just make it yourself! Because you’re holding up the line!

1 comment:

  1. lmao.... one of the best ones so far