Tuesday, September 6, 2011

When The Underwear Comes Alive

When people become suspicious of their maids and nannies and significant others they set up nanny cams. They want to know what’s going on in their house when they aren’t there. I really don’t have much to suspect but I wanted to set one up myself. Those things are damn expensive though, so instead I got a lesser version. It’s a few different cameras you get that you can set up in different spots around the house. They take pictures periodically, in hopes to catch some activity. I thought, why not? Let’s see what happens when I’m not home. As you can see by this first picture, it’s a good thing I decided to do this. Apparently, when I’m gone, the underwear jumps out of the underwear drawer and starts a ruckus. This guy right here hops out of the drawer first, starting everything off. He strips down to himself, turns on some Bob Seger, and starts dancing around like a damn fool.

These two sneak off into the corner immediately and get under the covers. The hanky panky begins. This is only a shot of afterwards, as you can tell they seem tired from some “activities”. This explains the smoked cigarette in my bed the other day.

This sad pair of underwear climbs up to the window and stares out in the distance hoping to catch a glimpse or a whiff of the ocean. A sailor’s underwear he used to be. He misses those days, thrashing around on the seven seas, the salty wind smacking against your face-er-waistband.

This tyrant heads off to find as many of the army men as he can. He relates with them because they’re all the same color. “Yo, us green guys gotta stick together.” Then, he eventually convinces them that all the other underwear are oppressing them all due to their color. He riles them all up. “They think they’re better than us! And that we’re only second-class citizens!” Then, as the leader, he declares war on the rest of the underwear, with his army standing before him. His hopes to take over the underwear kingdom are just greedy and evil. Who will save the underwear? Is there a hero amongst all the boxers and boxer briefs?

No, but there is a hero who just so happens to be the only pair of straight up briefs. He climbs his way up to the highest position in the room, readies his webs, swings down and attacks the evil underwear and his army men. I sadly do not have any action shots of this battle, but believe you me, it’s incredible. The briefs always win. Good always conquers evil. Remember that. However, if we’re talking sperm count, you’re better off with some boxers. You want to keep your boys cool with a lot of room to hang out. In that case, briefs are horrible. But not here. Not today. Where sperm count is not an issue, briefs are king of the underwear!

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