It’s funny to look at how much less productive I am on Sundays compared to other days. Especially during football season. During the off-season it’s bad enough. I only have bad television programming and that hungover feeling to keep me unproductive, half-dead, sprawled out on the couch. Let’s take a look at a bar graph depicting my productivity on Sundays VS. the rest of the week.
Sunday football makes me so unproductive it actually somehow manages to reverse productivity for other days. I’m not only not doing work, but work I have already done is getting sucked up into a vortex somewhere nearby in the room. All my papers! Documents! Reports! Pie graphs! They’re flying out the window and into a fiery tornado on the horizon! I’d go try to stop them from burning up in this earthly phenomenon but my team is driving down the field and we’re only down by a field goal! Red zone guys! I can’t walk away. And on the other TV my starting running back’s team is on the 1 about to score! How do I leave the house? I’m afraid to use my bathroom on the off chance I miss a big play. I usually go out Saturdays and buy several diapers just for the next day.
Bottom line is Sundays are not a day for work. They are a day for lying around and shutting the windows so your belongings don’t fly out the house and get disentegrated in crazy phenomenons that don’t ever happen. I don’t know why I ever try to do work on Sundays. It usually just goes horribly wrong, and my bar graph explodes. That settles it. All I’m doing every Sunday from here on out is watching football and complaining about how my picks didn’t get me any points in fantasy. Seriously, Branch?! How’d you do 20 points in the first two weeks, I pick you up yesterday, and you get 0 today? What’s that about? AH! I love it! Go football!