Sunday, September 25, 2011

Unproductive Sundays

It’s funny to look at how much less productive I am on Sundays compared to other days. Especially during football season. During the off-season it’s bad enough. I only have bad television programming and that hungover feeling to keep me unproductive, half-dead, sprawled out on the couch. Let’s take a look at a bar graph depicting my productivity on Sundays VS. the rest of the week.

This graph took place during the off-season. This was created based off of accurate stats I had a highly-intelligent robot take, Productivity is on the left, the Y axis. You’ll see the numbers that seem to have no value at all. But they do. 100 is good. Obviously. Duh. 0 is bad. Also, you may notice that 0 is not at the bottom of the Y axis as it usually would be. That means you could even be less productive than 0. Negative number productive. That’s called, unproductive. So, Monday to Saturday I’m somewhere around 85-90. That’s pretty damn productive y’all. I don’t know if you knew that, but I am a hard what I want to work at. Now, look at Sunday. Kind of close to 50. Yeah, I’m probably pretty hungover there. Watching reruns of “That 70s Show”. Once I fully sober up I’ll get a little bit of work done. Probably draw some pictures for a future post. Take pictures of my underwear. For a future post. Or for whatever. Now, let’s see how things change once football season starts.

OK, the above graph shows my productivity during football season. You’ll notice it has actually gone down Monday-Saturday. A tad under 75. Mainly due to Monday Night Football and the fact that I have to pay attention to my fantasy team a little bit each day. Still pretty productive. Numbers to be proud of I think. Now, look at Sunday. Oh my Lord! Not only is the top of the “in-tact bar” below 0 but it has also begun to explode and it’s insides are spewing out everywhere!

Sunday football makes me so unproductive it actually somehow manages to reverse productivity for other days. I’m not only not doing work, but work I have already done is getting sucked up into a vortex somewhere nearby in the room. All my papers! Documents! Reports! Pie graphs! They’re flying out the window and into a fiery tornado on the horizon! I’d go try to stop them from burning up in this earthly phenomenon but my team is driving down the field and we’re only down by a field goal! Red zone guys! I can’t walk away. And on the other TV my starting running back’s team is on the 1 about to score! How do I leave the house? I’m afraid to use my bathroom on the off chance I miss a big play. I usually go out Saturdays and buy several diapers just for the next day.

Bottom line is Sundays are not a day for work. They are a day for lying around and shutting the windows so your belongings don’t fly out the house and get disentegrated in crazy phenomenons that don’t ever happen. I don’t know why I ever try to do work on Sundays. It usually just goes horribly wrong, and my bar graph explodes. That settles it. All I’m doing every Sunday from here on out is watching football and complaining about how my picks didn’t get me any points in fantasy. Seriously, Branch?! How’d you do 20 points in the first two weeks, I pick you up yesterday, and you get 0 today? What’s that about? AH! I love it! Go football!

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