Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Mrs. Field's Fiasco

Attention Mrs. Field’s employees! Well, this mainly just goes to the one lady. Stop being an ass to me!

I go to the Mrs. Field’s across the street from where I work often enough. Often enough that I’m the mayor there! Via foursquare, but that might as well translate to real life. I actually just go there for milk. They sell milk, so does Subway, Mrs. Field’s is a shorter walk, and no other places really sell it. Figured out why I go there now? Anyway, I often head in there and have to deal with the lady being all pissy with me. Here’s how are latest transaction went.

INT. MRS. FIELDS - EVENING

STEVE enters, looking quite dapper and has a pleasant smile on his face. THE EMPLOYEE, an older lady, putters out from the back and seems mildly pleasant...at this point.

STEVE
Hi, how are you?

EMPLOYEE
What would you like?

STEVE
Could I get two of those blue milk bottles?

Immediately her somewhat-smile vanishes. What’s she thinking in her head? “Ah, this guy with the milk again.” Whatever, you should be happy when I buy anything from here whether it be cookies or milk or whatever! You sell it, I buy it! That’s how retail goes, woman! She goes back to the cooler and starts to put her hands on the blue milk CARTONS.

EMPLOYEE
Two of these?

STEVE
No, the bottles please.

She sighs. LOUD. Moves her hands to the RED milk bottles. Starts to grab two.

STEVE
Oh no, sorry. The blue ones.

She turns and looks at Steve like he’s crazy.

EMPLOYEE
I was just grabbing the blue ones, you said no.

STEVE
Yeah, not the cartons. I want the bottles.

She motions towards the bottles she’s already grabbing.

STEVE
The blue milk bottles. All the way to the right. The rightmost thing in the cooler.

Swear to God, her hands start to drift left, to the RED MILK CARTONS. No way! Are you serious?! That’s the opposite packaging I’m requesting surrounds my milk.

STEVE
No, the right. All the way to the right.



She finally figures out left from right, glides her hands to the right and grabs ONE blue milk bottle. Shuts the door LOUDLY and heads back to the register.

STEVE
Um, could I have two please?

HUGE SIGH! The wind from her sigh almost blew me backwards through the window! Turns around and grabs another mad as hell. There is no point in continuing any of the dialogue portions of this because it was just me talking from here on out, as it has been for a little while now. She refused to talk or to smile the rest of the transaction.

Shit! Don’t sell four different types of milk if you can’t make any distinction between them. And furthermore, it’s not my fault if you can’t tell bottle from carton and red from blue and left from right and one from two. And also, you just fucking should know the difference between those things. I’m not asking you to tell me the difference between bison and buffalo. These are thing the general public should know, and you should know if you work here. I want a large portion of milk, but I want it to be lower in fat. Can you handle that? Then, you get all rude on me because you’re stupid. Like I’m being an asshole. Hey! If you get it right the first time things go swimmingly. Really. Just pay attention next time. Or memorize my order. I get the same thing every time! I’m also probably the only guy who ever comes in and orders nothing but two milks, it can’t be that hard. And don’t go thinking I’m weird because of that! Sometimes I get heart burn at work and the milk makes it feel better. Also milk is fucking delicious! So deal with it!

Again, this is just for the one rude, old lady. But if any of you other employees give me shit about my milk-buying-business I’m taking you down as well!

1 comment: