Saturday, September 17, 2011

Know What's Annoying?

Know what’s annoying? Pen life. You can never depend on a pen to last as long as the last one you used. They’re never the same and often seem to get shorter and shorter. For instance, I recently used a brand new soccerball pen. Wrote 62 letters and then it died. 62 letters? That’s all you had in you?! Nice life. You’re worse than a fruit fly. I hadn’t even finished writing what I had just started writing. What kind of work am I supposed to get done with that kind of pen? It’s almost useless. That’s like having a helmet that explodes immediately before impact. Or a shield that melts as soon as anything touches it.

Know what else is annoying? “Sex And The City”. Sorry to the fans but that is not the show for me. Being that I have decent to great taste. Watching “Sex And The City” is like watching a guy drown for 29 minutes. And then he finally gets out of the water and says something mildly funny about the whole experience. And then you’re like, “Well, I guess I’ll laugh at it. It would be rude if I didn’t. The guy almost drowned.”


Know what else is annoying? Those “Pink” pants. Know the ones I’m talking about? The ones girls wear that say “Pink” on their asses. They’re annoying because 1) if a girl sees you looking at it they never take it as a compliment, they always get pissed that you’re looking at their ass! I’m just reading a sign you’re putting out there. Also, you either want people to look or are the dumbest person in the world to wear that and expect no one to look. And 2) they’re backwards. That needs to be in the front. It should read “Brown” on the ass. As long as you’re advertising, advertise correctly.

Know what else is annoying? Right before I started to write this post I went into a Starbuck’s. I’m not talking about the fact that I’m a guy writing in a Starbuck’s. That’s cliche at it’s worst. But not annoying. But as I was about to enter I saw a man exiting the Starbuck’s. I opened the door and like a nice guy, stood back and held it open. He was looking at his phone, doing something. He saw me hold it open, he had no reaction to this, and just walked through without saying a word. Did you just expect someone to hold the door open for you? Is that what always happens for you? You fuck! No it doesn’t because you looked like a borderline bum! Your beard was too scruffy and your clothes were tattered and I bet people mistake you for a homeless person often. And you’re rude. Say thank you asshole. I don’t have to hold the door open for you. Also, I noticed later when you came back in that your coffee cup said Mark on it. So to everybody in the world, if you know a bearded, terribly dressed man named Mark who frequents the Starbuck’s at 10955 Weyburn Avenue in Los Angeles, CA, know that he fucking sucks! You fucking suck Mark! And you made my “What’s annoying list” for today. How’s that feel? Dick.

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