Thursday, September 29, 2011

Idiots Of The World

Not only is this my 100th blog post but it’s also my 100th blog post in a row. I thought I should honor the special occasion by doing a post on what I love talking about the most. Idiots!

There are so many different types of idiots in the world. Here are some of the main offenders.

Cerebrius Simplicus - More commonly referred to as the Dummy. A Dummy does things without thinking. Acts on impulse. Doesn’t tend to listen to instructions or requests. Has a bit of a vacant brain. A good example of a Dummy is the guy who asked me if I wanted my receipt at Starbuck’s the other day. I said yes, he printed it out and held it as he turned around to tell another employee something. He turned back to realize he was holding my receipt and was not sure why. He asked, “Did you want your receipt?” Before my nod kicked into gear he answered himself, “No, right?” He then tore up the receipt and threw it out. “Have a nice day.” I guess I will since I don’t have to worry about that receipt I wanted anymore. Dummy.

Dangeronica Moronius - Yes, the Moron. The Moron does dumb things that tend to be quite dangerous. The Moron’s biggest set back is that it cannot gage the level of danger of any activity. Thus, any activity that seems fun is performed by the Moron. A good example of a Moron is the kid who decided to climb the ladder to the slide real quickly behind me so that he could go down the same time as me and push me down the whole thing! You know how dangerous that shit is, little kid? I don’t need a pair of LA Lights ramming up my butt crack as I land in the sand at the bottom of the slide. Moron! This kid grew up to get in a drunk driving accident and a downhill sofa race accident. If you have a Moron kid, that’s his future. Fix his Moron brain before it’s too late.

Mouthafus Rapidiche - Otherwise known as a Numbskull. The term Numbskull is actually quite accurate in it’s description. The problem with a Numbskull lies in it’s name...the skull is too numb. When the brain thinks up something to say it sends the signal to the mouth. These are known as P waves. When the brain realizes that is a dumb thing to say and it should not be spoken, if this is the case, then it sends a faster signal to the mouth to make sure it keeps shut before the words get there. These are known as the S waves. The problem is the skull needs plenty of tactile feeling to send the S waves properly and quickly. A numb skull cannot send these as fast. Thus resulting in the people saying things that are better left unspoken. Common misconception is that these people’s mouths move faster than their brain. Nope. They just have a numb skull. A good example of a Numbskull is the guy who just met a model at a party and told her that he recognized her right away since she’s the woman he masturbates to every night. Bet you wish you could take that one back. Numbskull.

Let’s not forget about Imbeciles. These are the guys who always mess up the plans of the Evil Villain they work for. You got your Twits. These are the ones that just plain lack intelligence. Their brains are filled with cotton candy and melted marshmallow goop, there’s no room for knowledge to enter. And even if it does, it’s sliding right back out. Goofs. These people just always manage to mess up no matter what the scenario. The real problem is that one half of everybody’s brain is evil, the other half good. The chemical make up of how the human is supposed to be is that the good side of the brain is the dominant side. Every once in awhile a person’s body chemistry gets reversed and the evil side of the brain becomes more dominant. Though the person may have good intentions, he will not realize it, but his brain will be sabotoging him and making him do wrong. These come across as accidents, slip ups, uh oh moments, but a Goof is always doomed from the beginning. His brain will not allow him to do right.

As you can see, there’s plenty types of Idiots. They’re all around us and they come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities. The best thing we can remember to do, is know that they could come at you with any artillery of stupid. So always be prepared to fight off any kind of Idiocy. Always keep a dictionary handy, it will be your best weapon. And if all else fails, keep a lot of cash on you. You may not be able to beat them, but you can make ridiculous bets with them and take all their money. All Idiots are the gambling type.


  1. Congrats on your 100th post!!! Celebration should be set forth. Possibly a "Magic Carpet" Ride? or maybe laying on a skateboard and going down a hill? Those are acceptable acts of celebration!


  2. Thanks! Good ideas...those are probably acts performed by the Moron, however I at many times performed those acts. Can't say I've always been smart.

  3. i like the starbucks one and the receipt... how did you not laugh at him??