Monday, September 5, 2011

I Believe "Captain Planet" Was A Metaphor For What Our People Think Is The Best Defense Against A Robot Attack

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of disasters that could happen that we are not ready for at all. If Dinosaurs come back to life, like “Jurassic Park” style, what are we going to do? I know I’ll be fine, because I’ve been practicing my defense tactics. At least with dinosaurs you best defense with about half of them is just not being a plant. You’re not a plant, great, half those dudes won’t eat you. Another good percentage you just have to not move when they see you. Real easy. By the way how’s the T-Rex the king of the dinosaurs when he has the tiniest little arms that can’t do anything and really bad vision. If that were a kid in elementary school everyone would make fun of him and he’d be the least popular kid at school. I don’t know why that works differently with dinosaurs.

Oh well. Not being a plant and not moving has already protected you from being eaten by about 65% of dinosaurs. What about raptors? Well, the kids in “Jurassic Park” made it very clear if you hide in some extravagant kitchen with reflective drawers and cupboards you’ll be just fine. So, that’s what I’m doing when the raptors come. Hiding in a four star kitchen. And as for the rest of the dinosaurs, well I don’t know. I suppose I can research their weaknesses since “Jurassic Park” didn’t have time to touch on them all. But that’s a pretty good start.

Robots are another scary one. Do people know what they’ll do if robots come back. I bet you don’t because you all rely on your machines. But I don’t. And I know heart always wins against robots since they don’t have hearts. I think some people know that too. I believe “Captain Planet” was a metaphor for what our people think is the best defense against a robot attack. 5 kids. 5 different methods. One is heart. That’s 20% of the world that knows heart will stop the robots. 20% of us that will live when that time comes and the rest will not. Well, I suppose the 20% who believe water will work are right. Water will malfunction their wiring and circuit boards. And fire is right too. Set fire to a robot and it’s done for. But wind and earth? Come on, what are you guys gonna do to the robots. OK, so 60% of the world is ready to fight against the robots. That’s not a bad percentage.

Alien invasion. What do you do? Don’t use water like they do in “Signs” or like you did on the robots. That doesn’t make much sense. If water killed the aliens then as soon as they entered our atmosphere (which is a large percentage of water) then it would have been effecting them immediately. Bullets. Bullets will kill the aliens. Laser guns. Ray guns. Bazookas. Firearms people. If the aliens come, I’m going to Wal Mart. They got guns. And toy guns that look like laser guns to scare them off. And tinfoil to put on my head so they can’t transmit waves into my brain. And they got food I can snack on.

Those are the main three disasters that are most likely to happen and we are not ready for. I want us to be ready for them. I want people to be prepared for disastrous events. Sure there’s bomb shelters and fire drills and earthquake drills but we need to be expecting everything. Dinosaurs! What do you do? Be a stationary non-plant in an extravagant kitchen! Robots! What do you do? Watch Captain Planet and choose one of the elements wisely! Aliens! What do you do? Wal Mart! In fact, I’m out of milk, need a new bike pump, and am yearning for a tacky shirt with my home state on it. What do you do? Go to Wal Mart for me and pick up all that junk for me. They got everything! That place is a disaster itself and I try to avoid it as much as possible but if disaster strikes it’s probably the best place to go to. Funny how that works.

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