Facebook is becoming like that girl a lot of us dated in high school. Know what I mean?
INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
TASHA walks in and sits down next to BOB.
What do you think? Should I change my interface? I’m getting kind of tired with this current interface. Mandy’s mom is an interface dresser and she said she’ll change it up for half off. Or I could do it myself for even less money but then who knows if it will turn out OK? So what do you think? Should I change my interface?
What? No, it looks fine the way it is.
I don’t want to look fine. I want to look great.
You do look great. Just leave your interface alone. I like the color and the...the style.
You don’t think I need to change it?
No, it’s great how it is.
So, you’d hate it if I changed it?
I’m not saying that. I’m just saying there’s no point in changing it. I love it how it is.
INT. ENGLISH CLASS - THE NEXT DAY
Tasha walks in and sits down next to Bob with a different interface.
So, what do you think?
You changed your interface?
You hate it! Don’t you?!
No! No, I don’t hate it. I just wasn’t expecting it.
You think it’s ugly don’t you?
No, it’s very nice. I like it. I like it.
Tasha quickly changes to all smiles.
I knew you’d love it. Everyone does.
Seriously, facebook? How many more changes until you realize you’ve bleached the shit out of your interface and you got split ends and your roots grow in a diseased-brown now? It’s fine the way it was! You don’t have to change it again. Now, it just makes things more confusing for me. Shit’s all switched around. A ton of things got way huger. I don’t know what the point of that was, are you making this senior-friendly? Because I don’t think that’s your market right now.
I get you guys want to compete with Google+ but seriously, you’ve been changing the interface so many times it’s hard to know how to use everything. I won’t go over to another social networking page just because it comes out. Maybe some people will but don’t you think it’s too much of a hassle for some people? Think about how pathetic and lazy Americans can be. Including myself.
I got all my pictures on facebook.
I got a ton of Scrabble games going through facebook.
I already have lots of my friends on here. Am I going to find them on Google+? Will I have to invite them to that? So much work...
I already know how to use facebook, for the most part. I’m supposed to learn a new network all over again? Yeah right.
There’s no movie about Google+ with Justin Timberlake. Do I really care all that much about it?
See? Pathetic and lazy. Reasons why about 90% of people won’t switch. Quit being that girl in high school. No, we don’t find that other girl more attractive than you. We don’t find anybody more attractive than you. I don’t care if a super model came up to me and asked if she could become my sex slave, she’s not you. We want you. We know us telling you this won’t make much of a difference and we’ll have to tell you all over again the next time that other girl wears a short skirt or a low cut shirt. Trust us. We don’t care. We just looked because...well...how do you not? Her boobs were out. Doesn’t mean we want them in our collective mouth. Stop being so damn insecure facebook! We want you!