Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Drink Milk, Dummy!

Today I drank three glasses of milk. I also had a coffee, four glasses of water and one glass of Cran-Pomegranate juice. My liquids are doing good. My levels are high. Especially on milk. Match me up against any Joe Schmoe and I’d probably beat him up. Against a lactose intolerant schmoe, I’d ruin him. I got all my milk powers at my disposal. He’s got nothing.

You can see my milk bar is way high. That gives me the Scary Dairy. They call it that because it gives you magical powers that are so strong, it’s scary. My water bar is looking good too. Keeping me hydrated. It’s like my life bar. For all the gamers, my HP. Making my milk bar my MP. Milk powers, magic powers, whatever you want to call it. The juice bar is basically my regular attack bar. Looking decent. The coffee bar is my weakness bar. It’s not too high so there’s not much anyone can do to me.

Watch me beat up a guy with milk powers. I’ll blast a hole in his bones! Regular or lactose intolerant, most people don’t drink milk as much as I do. I love the stuff. I drink it with my meals and I drink it for taste! I don’t put milk in my cereal. I just drink it on the side! Keeps it fresher and stronger. I’ll shoot a milk ball like a hadouken. Knock my foes through walls. Rearrange their faces with a milk mustache.

My juice attack will be pretty decent too. The juice always flows right to my knuckles and elbows. Making them super tart for punching and elbowing. Cranberries and pomegranates? You kidding me? Double fruit punches to the face will give you all sorts of colored eyes. Black eyes. Red eyes. Blue balls. Oh sorry, that’s just what you’ll get when your woman leaves you due to your ugly beat up face.

Now, you’re coming at me? Trying to hurt me in my weak spots? Oh, you think because I have an existing coffee bar that it’s going to effect me? You’re going to take that I had a coffee as a sign of dehydration? You throw a kick, it stifles me a bit. A punch catches me off guard. You back up and prepare to shoot a Gatorade laser. Yeah you had a blue Gatorade, I know. Gatorade is good and all, the electrolytes, but what is the blue about? That’s not a natural color? You shoot it at me, but what you didn’t know, was that I don’t take my coffee black. I take it with a lot of milk. Grande white mocha, byatch! And we all know Blue Gatorade is weak against Milk. Milk is super effective on all types of Gatorade in fact. It reverses your blue laser back at your face! Talk about kicking your own ass. You just committed suicide via sports drink.

What’s the lesson of the day? Drink lots of milk dummy!


  1. A few lols here. I got that photoshop license anytime you're ready, haha

  2. Haha yeah. I suppose I could have used it here. That milk hadouken turned out alright in Paint though. Maybe.