Saturday, September 24, 2011

Canadian Football

OK, does anybody watch the Canadian Football League that can help me with some stuff? I understand it somewhat but a lot of it confuses me. For instance...

Before the snap, a ton of guys are allowed to start moving. And it’s OK. What is up with that? A bunch of receivers start running at the line before they yell hike. They get a running start? That seems unfair. Also, it seems foolish because now the defense knows exactly when the quarterback is calling hike. Just before the receivers cross the line of scrimmage. That’s what happens every time, so that basically eliminates offsides. I don’t know what that’s all about but in America, everyone basically has to stay put before the play starts. Common courtesy you guys.

I also noticed that it’s not “Offense” or “Defense” it’s “Offence” and “Defence”. What’s that all about? You guys just trying to be different. No we’re Canadian football so every chance we get to substitute the “C” for the “S” we do. The Canadian Way. You’re like the kids in high school that thought it was cool to use Z’s instead of S’s. As in “Skillz” or “Girlz”. I still see people writing like that when I go on facebook. And those people are still not cool. Some people say, why not delete those friends from your facebook? Well, it’s too much damn effort. And with the new layout I’m not even sure I know how to anymore. So, Canadian Football League, if you were my friend on facebook, you wouldn’t have to fear being deleted from my friends list, only ridiculed. Start spelling stuff right. Spelling stuff wrong on purpose is not cool. Unless this is one of those country to country things I’m not aware of. Like it’s “Color” here but “Colour” in the UK. “Neighbor” here “Neighbour” in the UK. “Grey” here “Gray” in the UK. But I’ve never heard of any spelling differences between the U.S. and Canada. With the exception of it’s “True Blue” here and it’s “Labatt Blue” there. If it’s not a rule, get your spelling together!

oh how about the placement of the field goal posts? Remember in the NFL when the field goal posts used to be in the middle of the end zone? And everybody used to crash into them and get concussions? It was super dangerous. Then, they smartened up and moved them to the back of the end zone and additionally, gave all the players helmets. Safety became a priority finally. Well, you guys got the helmets. What’s with the field goal posts? Move them back! They’re in the way! People are going to crash into them! That’s like building a field around a tree and not taking the tree down. Just move the damn thing, you don’t need an obstacle. This isn’t American Gladiators! The game’s hard enough as it is.

And while you’re at it, shorten the field! Two 50 yard lines? You serious? And then you got the big C in the middle?! You guys just love the C! Anywhere you can put it you do. I just feel like an announcer describing what’s happening during a kickoff return sounds silly when it goes like, “And he’s past the 30, he’s got room, he’s returned many for touchdowns once he’s crossed the 30. Here he goes. The 40. The 50. The C. The other 50. The 40. 30. 20. 10. Touchdown....oh wait no, he ran into the field goal post and dropped the ball!” Because you guys still didn’t move the damn things! come on!

And Saskatchewan, you got a football team. The Roughriders. That correct? Now who took this name from who? You guys from DMX, or him from you? I’m actually willing to bet you guys came second, I think DMX came up with that, had a lot of success, and then you guys jumped on his style. Any truth to that? I could be wrong. Well, at least you guys spelled it right. I’ll give you that. You know it’s not ruffryders or however the hell he spells it. Come on Dark Man X. Ruff? I know you think you’re a dog. But everything doesn’t have to be a dog pun. Lame.

Now, I know the CFL differs from the NFL and it’s more for people in Canada so you guys can probably keep it however you want. If I want to watch real football I can just watch the NFL. I really get it. I do. But it’s Saturday today, and there is no NFL on, and the CFL is on, and just seeing football players makes me want to watch real football. So can you bend a little for me? Please? Either way, you gotta agree, the C is ridiculous. It’s not even a number!

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