Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Batman's Shopping List

This is amazingness! I was in Wal Mart the other day and I noticed a tall dark man at the end of the aisle I was in. He held a list. I saw him put the list on the shelf, grabbed some eggs, left the list on the shelf and walked away. I was already starting down towards that end of the aisle so I quickened my pace. I got to the end, snagged his list off the shelf and rounded the corner of the aisle. I was about to yell out something cliche like, “Hey Mister! You forgot your list!” But when I turned the corner, the man was nowhere to be seen. Just the vast emptiness of Wal Mart and it’s employees’ sullen faces. And an odor that is unidentifiable. As is usually the case with that place.

Weird. Was that guy running or something? How did he get away so quickly. I look down at the list, unintentionally and start to notice the things he had on it. I found it to be very intriguing, so I took a picture of it to share with you all. Let’s take a look.

Look at this. Milk. Normal. Avocados. Pretty normal especially considering we’re in California. Bat shaped Halloween candy. Hmmm, I guess some people just really like that stuff. Eggs. Yeah, some him grabbing those. Normal. Fire extinguisher. Not too many people have to buy those on their Wal Mart trips. However, if you have a plethora of things to buy, Wal Mart is the place to come to. Toilet cleaner. Don’t we all need it? Then it starts to get really interesting, I thought. Meaty proteins. Who lists it like that? I guess someone who wants to make sure they have the meatiest proteins to eat after their workouts. Someone who’s really in shape. No carbs. Well, you don’t have to list it if you are NOT getting it. But now I know you’re on a no carb diet. Strange. Apples. OK. Grappling hook. Whoa! That was from left field. What do you need that for? Hard cup. Like so you don’t get kicked in the crotch? If you’re above the age of 10 and not a professional sports player, you probably don’t need to buy a hard cup. More dark clothes. That’s a weird way to list that. He was wearing dark clothes and I suppose he wants more. Maybe that’s all he wears. Wait a minute! Is this Batman?!

That would explain the dark clothes, his mysterious demeanor, the way he took off so quickly without me, a normal human being, being able to catch up to him. Holy shit1 i just saw Batman at Wal Mart! In Los Angeles! Wait, what was the last thing on his list? Nair? Hmmm, I suppose it’s easier to fight once you’ve burnt all your body hair off. Makes you more agile maybe? I’ll tell you what, that’s one thing I never knew about Batman.

OK, so I know a lot of you probably don’t believe that this is Batman’s list and don’t believe this story. Especially those of you who know what my hand writing looks like. But fun story time aside, know what’s a fun game to play? If you have a list with you, where ever you are, Target, Wal Mart, grocery store, whatever. When you’re all done and don’t need the list anymore, write one more thing on it that is incredulous. Something that doesn’t fit in with the rest of your groceries or whatever you have listed. And then just leave it somewhere on the shelf. I often will have a list looking like, MILK, BREAD, GATORADE, TUNA, HOT DOGS, VEGETABLES, CHEEZ-ITS, AIR FRESHENER. And then I write on the very end of it, DICK MEDICINE. Then, just leave it on the shelf. In hopes a nosy person will come across it and read through it. Just to fuck with someone. Dick medicine is a good to go add on since no one would ever call it that and also, what the fuck kind of medicine are you putting on, in, or around your dick that’s going to help it with....lord Only knows what? Tight underwear is another good one. Especially with a list of groceries. But see what you can come up with. It’s good stuff.

I’m leaving Batman’s list in the next store I find myself in. And I’m going to have everything checked off except for the milk. As if he remembered all that stuff, but completely forgot the milk. The first thing on his list! And probably most important! Oh Batman! You’ll have to get milk down at the corner store for a dollar more. Should have paid close attention to your list!


  1. i love love this... and i think i might try it myself

  2. Put DICK MEDICINE on all your lists, Mom. I dare you.