Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Top 10 Worst Sex Positions/Moves

Recently I put a post up which included the 10 worst faces to make during sex. It was my most popular post by far. So, since people liked it so much I decided to do a follow up on it. This one isn’t sex faces however. This one is...

THE TOP 10 WORST SEX POSITIONS/MOVES

10 - The “Hoppity”

Hopping into it every time you want to thrust is not a good idea. Just use your pelvis. Too much hopping during sex can result in misfires, bruises, and even a possible fracture. Tip for intercourse, get in and stay in, just move around. You ever see too many people entering and exiting a building too frequently? The bouncer tends to get a little pissed off.

9 - The “Over Confident” Style

OK, dude. You can’t just stand there, hips on hands, chest jutting out. The Batman costume is fine but remember you aren’t as awesome as him. Use your hands for guidance. You’re better off than the guy doing the “Hoppity” since you’re actually using your pelvis. But that’s all you’re using. Don’t be cocky, use your hands too!

8 - The “Joe Hollywood”

Taking time out to say hi to the fans and give them a little “gun-point” is fine, but not during sex. During the act you should be fully committed and focused on your partner. Even while approaching from behind make sure not to be distracted by TV, funny signs, and most of all, fans. I can’t tell you how many groupees have ruined a perfectly sexy relationship.




7 - The “Dancer”

Sometimes good dance moves can help you entice a lovely lady, but once the deal is sealed, seal the dance moves up, deal? Don’t break them out in the bedroom! Focus on the act. What are you doing here? The C in the YMCA dance? Where are the other 3 guys? On second thought, don’t answer that.

6 - The “Finger From Far”

Don’t be afraid to get in there. It ain’t gonna hurt you. Maybe it looks a little weird because you haven’t seen too many but I ensure you it’s completely normal. Get right in there. And don’t be afraid to use other parts of your body. Additionally, you’re just going to creep your partner out if you’re standing that far away.





5 - The “Child”

Don’t be caught playing with anything any more than you should be. Quit laughing and screwing around. You know why so many things in the bedroom are called jobs? Because it’s hard work. Take it seriously.

4 - The “Low Down”

“Let me give you the low down.” A phrase often heard, but never in the bedroom. That’s because the low down requires this awkward bending over position and holding the ladies ankles as exampled here. Lifting too much in this position can throw your back out. Remember you always lift with your legs.

3 - The “Wolverine”

Again, dressing up is perfectly fine. However, be a character that is fun to be in the bedroom. Not dangerous. Those things look sharp. I don’t think anyone’s going to enjoy getting one of those shoved at them. Where you sticking that thing anyway?

2 - The “Lazy”

No one likes a partner who doesn’t share any of the workload. You can’t just sit there, half awake, and let someone shake it up on top of your lap. You gotta put in some sort of effort. Open your eyes and move around and it will be a much more Merry Christmas.

1 - The “Mirror Image”

Two partners in the same exact position at the same exact time may look cool but it ain’t doing nothing for nobody. Sure you can cradle your necks around each other like two giraffes in heat but there isn’t much else you can make happen. Someone has to give and someone has to receive. If it’s two people trying to give and neither are receiving it will be a whole lot of tip touching and pecker poking. That doesn’t feel like a whole lot. Basic message for the day, it takes two, separate the workload, split up the jobs, keep your eyes open, focus, and practice, practice, practice! It gets better the more you do. And the less you do anything seen here.

6 comments:

  1. love it... love the pictures

    ReplyDelete
  2. BAHAHAHAHA! yeah Joshua use your hands!!!! lmao!
    steve, i love it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. While some men might like this, as routine sex can be quite comforting, there are times when men might like to spice things up just a little bit for better sex.
    sizegenix

    ReplyDelete
  4. Go down on her- If all else fails, this usually succeeds. If you're having a hard time getting your woman warmed up for the act, just go down on her and spend a gentle while down there. Almost always, this would help build the momentum for a great night ahead.
    where can i buy enlast cream

    ReplyDelete