Monday, August 15, 2011

Terrible Phrases


YOU KNOW HOW WE DO

No, actually I don’t know how you do. You or the rest of this mysterious “we” you speak of. Am I supposed to assume that because you and your “we” did something that this is the type of thing you always do? Is that how you’re using this phrase? Because that’s quite conceited of you. Like everyone should know what you do at every time of every day because you’re the shit. I’ll probably never know how you do unless I ask, “How do you do?” And I’m not asking that question any time soon. Because I don’t care.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

Cool. I’m glad you said that. Because after you said that I knew just as much as I knew before you said that. I learned nothing from you saying that. That’s the same as you saying absolutely nothing. You might as well have said nothing, because that phrase is absolutely pointless. It is what it is? Yup. And monkeys are monkeys and napkins are napkins. Thanks for all the info. Glad you decided to give me advice today. Ass.

END OF STORY

You don’t need to say this. When your story has reached it’s end I’ll know. Because you’ll have presumably stopped talking. Also, if you’re at least a decent story-teller you’re story will build up to the ending and then be quite clear that it has ended once you have provided me with a conclusion. This phrase is as dumb as when people say “Period.” As in “I’m not Joey’s friend anymore. Period.” There’s a period at the end of the first sentence. The word “period” is not even needed. In fact, then you add the word “period” and a period after “period” and now you have three periods. That’s called an ellipsis. Which is actually something used to show that there is more to come as opposed to the end of something. So, now you have fucked up and given the exact opposite impression. Way to go.


YOU NEVER MADE ME SO YOU CAN’T BREAK ME

I read this on twitter. It was a retweet, because whoever says dumb stuff like this...I don’t follow. However, I follow people who think this is retweetable apparently. Here’s the thing, I’ve broken several lamps in my life. I have never once made a lamp. You’re point has been unproven. And I will now break you.

LIVE LIFE

What else can you do with it? This is just what people say when they’re insecure about their own life. I’m just trying to live life. Oh yeah? It’s not that hard. Just don’t stab yourself in the chest. Or walk underneath a falling building. And you will be living your life. If you are a person who actually has a decent life and you enjoy it you don’t have to waste your time saying pointless dribble like this.

I’M DOING ME

You are? Gross. Who brags about that? Most people brag about doing somebody else, especially if that other person is attractive. Admitting you’re doing yourself is usually like, “Yeah, I was alone last night. Been feeling lonely lately. So, I ended up doing me.” A very sad thing to admit. Why do rappers always say this one like it’s wicked cool? I’ve done myself before but I usually don’t talk about it and I sure as shit don’t put it in my music. No way. My music is about shaving the beave.

I LOVE HER/HIM TO DEATH

This one just annoys me mainly because of the connotation that comes along with it. I feel most times when people say this it just makes them sound uneducated and sort of violent. I love her to death. I love her to death. I obviously love her to death. OK, I get it. You make this sound so violent. Why do you have to bring death up? We’re talking about how much you love someone and you’re bringing up the sullen topic of death. Can’t you just love someone? And what happens once they’re dead? You love them to death but once they’re dead...no more love? How’s that work? I think I’ve just heard too many dumb people say this. It’s ruined for me. Not that it was ever great for me.

You have any phrases you hate? Share them with me!

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