Monday, August 1, 2011
The Sometime Show - Episode 3
Hello hello. Good whatever-time-of-day-it-is-for-you-while-you’re-reading-this. I’m guessing...afternoon? Welcome to SteveInevitable, our show we’ve had on for quite some time now. Hmmm...well this is the third episode. But whatever, how many shows do you have that are up to three episodes? Chances are none because I don’t think anybody reading this has a show! If you do let me know though. :) Smiles! :) With me as always is my friend, my co-host, my guide through life, Sinbad. And with Sinbad are apparently some random people. Who are those people Sinbad? ..... Silent treatment? Oh, he’s busy talking with them. OK, we’ll ask him later. Anyway, we got a great show planned for you. There’s lots going on in the news we want to talk about with you. And we have a very special guest coming on the show. Well, he’s just a regular guest but the producers always insist you act like the guests are big time and that you actually give a sh**! Sure, maybe if I were getting paid. But there’s been a lot going on in the world recently. Not that that’s any different from any other day. There’s always some crazy story in the news. And we love that. Because now it’s time to make fun of those stories, as always!
Did you hear the FBI is saying they have a credible lead in the “D. B. Cooper” Case? A case of a man who hijacked a jet in 1971 and stole $200,000.
Yeah, the lead was, “It’s been 40 years. The guy is dead. And he spent all the money.” Maybe it’s time the FBI starts looking through their crime archives of the 1980’s. Or just gets back to crime happening in this century.
How about this? Did you hear a man in a Spongebob mask robbed a store near Orlando, Florida?
Yeah, if you have any information about this man just pick up your shellphone and call the police. There is a 100,000 Krabby Patty reward for helping them out with his whereabouts. If you’ve ever watched the show then that joke is hilarious. If you haven’t, then you should! Or just shut up and wait for the next joke.
So, the New York Jets decided not to re-sign Braylon Edwards but instead pick up the fresh out of jail, Plaxico Burress.
A lot of people have speculated the decision as being a bad one since Plaxico could be out of shape. It’s like they’re shooting themselves in the foot, to which Plaxico said, “It doesn’t hurt as much as you’d think.”
Ex-NBA player, Samaki Walker, tried eating eight grams of marijuana before being arrested during a routine traffic stop in Arizona.
My guess is his thinking was he’d pull it out the other end in jail and let everyone know, this port is just for export, no import.
According to a recent study, it was found that 45 percent of men said they would not date someone they work with because it would be a weird situation but 56 percent of men said we would sleep with someone from work.
What you don’t know is that the 45 percent are all included in that 56 percent mentioned as well. “Oh, I’ll sleep with a co-worker I just won’t date them. That would be a bad idea. Too awkward.”
Alright, that’s it for the news. I mean, there’s more news but who the hell cares? I just told you all the funny stories. Or all the stories easiest to make a joke out of. I’m still wondering who those people are Sinbad’s hanging out with.
My friends from home!
Oh, he’s talking to us again. Finally, he’s doing what we pay him for. What are their names?
None of your business!
Dually noted. I think that’s my signal to move onto our brand new segment, Job Of The Day. Today’s Job Of The Day is the person who builds the fake glass on movie sets. We’ll call them Fake-Glass-Maker. This person spends all this time constructing a beautiful, perfectly shaped window or what have you. Putting all their hard work into it, elbow grease, blood, sweat, tears, who knows what other fluids, just so Kiefer Sutherland can bust through it and shatter the entire thing. Hours spent so someone can ruin their work. And that is what they do, day in and day out. It’s their art and they have to watch other people to destroy it. It’s as if Picasso only painted so people could light his pictures on fire. Ah, the struggles of the starving artist. I feel bad. I’m thinking of paying one of these people to make me a fake glass window just so I can look out of it. So that someone can appreciate their work. And maybe I’ll lick it from tiem to time, because I hear they make them out of sugar.
That’s stupid. If someone made me a fake glass window I’d jump through it. All bad ass style, like a true action star.
Sinbad, you were in “Houseguest”. What do you know about jumping through windows? OK, that wraps up our segment and since we’ve been losing money for funding our show, The Muppet Band will no longer be playing us out. I hear they went to be the house band for Tosh.0 since he doesn’t have one. We also no longer have commercials for our show so it works out pretty well since the band would have nothing to play us out for anyway. So, we will just be moving on and introducing our guest. Welcome to the show, the very special, recently just lost a lot of weight, Toad from Mario! Come on out, Skinny Toad!
Yeah, I lost about 25% of my weight. I don’t know if you remember but I used to be a little chunky.
Yeah, I do remember. But the chunkiness seemed to kind of fit you.
You know a lot of people have said that since I’ve lost the weight. But I feel better and healthier since I lost the weight. I mean, isn’t it better to be skinnier and healthier?
Yeah but sometimes you gotta realize what weight you look best at. You can definitely lose too much weight. And in your case, I think you looked just fine at the weight you were at. Looked normal.
But I was fat.
Yeah buy maybe you’re better fat. Maybe you don’t look as good skinny.
Don’t look good skinny? What’s that mean?
It’s just sometimes people look a little weird skinny. Sometimes a little chunk is better for people. Depends on the body type you have. You get what I’m saying?
No not at all. I’m healthier now. I don’t get winded after running 20 feet to get away from a Goomba. I’ve cut all that carby pasta out of my diet that Mario and Luigi are always eating. I eat mainly vegetables, a lot of mushrooms, as we live in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Yeah but, I don’t know. Haven’t you just looked at yourself since you lost the weight and think you look...different? Like you look like something? Something maybe you don’t want to look like?
I have no idea what you’re talking about. Look like what?
He’s trying to tell you, you look like a penis. But he doesn’t have the balls.
Maybe he’s got some extra balls you can borrow. I mean, look at him.
Well, I never! I’m leaving
Well, there he goes. Thanks Sinbad. We didn’t even get to ask him about anything.
What the hell you gonna ask Toad from Mario? That guy hasn’t done anything since Mario Kart for the Wii. All he did was lose some damn weight!
Well, what have you done in the past 5 years? Besides host my terrible show? ..... Well, looks like the end of our show. Um, yeah. Maybe we’ll see you next week if we still have this show. Goodnight all.
This is bullsh-