Tuesday, August 23, 2011

See How It All Comes Full Circle?


CHEESECURL

A delicious snack you can’t resist. Very orange in color. In fact, three or four of these tasty treats and the evidence is spelled out all over your hands. If you’re going to be denying having eaten cheesecurls, better bring some wet wipes.

CURLBAR

This is what I call the bar at the gym that’s very heavy and you curl up to your chest. My gym vocabulary is not so extensive. I also know of the Run-In-Place-Machine and the Row-In-Your-Own-Sweat-River-Machine. Anyway, this thing may as well be called the curlbar. That’s what you do with it. Good for the biceps, but watch out, it may add words like “bro” and “hella swoll” into your vocab. And you don’t want that.

BARCRAWL

This does not require you to crawl, walking is allowed. However, after hitting up bar number 7 in one night, you might not be able to help but to crawl to bars 8, 9, and 10. Barcrawls are best for the weekend. No one should attempt on a school night.

CRAWLSPACE

This is a basement for people who do not exceed four feet in height. Or for people who don’t mind crouching down and walking around like a damn fool every time they need something from their basement. Tip: do not put some of your favorite seasonal items in the back of a crawlspace. You will never see them ever again and that season will be ruined for you.

SPACESHIP

A luxury vehicle with no wheels. It can do 0-60 in about five minutes. However, it can do 60 to a bathousand in about two seconds, so the latter is more impressive. These are only to be driven in the sky and in outer space. No freeway driving. No backroads. Terrible gas mileage.


SHIPCAPTAIN

The man who is in charge of another type of ship. One that only is used in the water. These go 0-60 in...I don’t know if these things ever hit 60 actually. I think their speed is dependent upon how hard the wind is blowing. The shipcaptain basically just steers the giant sucker. He usually has a beard of a distinct color, an eyepatch, and perhaps a skwaking, talking bird on his shoulder.

CAPTAINEDDIE

CaptainEddie is captain of the S.S. Eddie. He might sound conceited. And that’s because he is. He makes everyone call him CaptainEddie. Most captains go by their last name. Eddie Crunch did not think this would be a fun time when he got into the captaining business. Doesn’t need the load of cereal jokes thrown at him. The next step would be to go by whatever color your beard is. Eddie Crunch has never been able to grow a beard, even at the ripe old age of 52 he still can’t. Never shaved a day in his life. CaptainEddie it is. Yargh.

EDDIEMUNSTER

EddieMunster was the son on “The Munsters”. Played by Butch Patrick he starred in 71 episodes of the family comedy TV show. That’s all I got.

MUENSTERCHEESE

Ever had this cheese? It’s good! Orange skin on the outside, white-ish yellow on the inside. Smells foot-ish (it is a cheese), smooth textured, yeah this is some damn good cheese! This cheese is not to be confused with The Munsters, it does not look like Frankenstein, nor does it have a greenish color to it. If it does, throw it out!

And that brings us back to CHEESECURL.

See how it all comes full circle?

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