Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Forts


I’m sliding the coffee table over towards the couch. I’m propping some pillows up on top of the table and the couch. I’m draping blankets from the table to the couch. I’m making a god damn fort is what I’m doing! There will be an awesome little alleyway for me to crawl through when I want to hide from bad guys. I will reside in there and be protected from pillow bombs. The blankets are good defense against pillows bombs. They soften the blow and often times shield the blow completely. Sometimes the blankets act as a trampoline, sending the pillow bombs back where they came from.

I’m hoping those pillow bombs will be launched back at the opposing fort on the other side of the room, breaking down their fort little by little. If not I am throwing my own pillow bombs. We both have our own artillery of pillow bombs because when we decided to play “Forts” we thought it would be fair to divide the pillow bombs up evenly. I used some to create my fort but it’s OK because I still have some to throw. Also, we decided we were allowed to crumple up pieces of paper and use those as little bombs.

We each have a dart gun. The dart guns take the same darts so that when we shoot them at each other we can reload our guns with our opponents bullets. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works in real life with real guns in real wars. In fair wars anyway. My dart gun has a scope. All I can see through it is your dinosaur sheets. The ones you peed on awhile back. We washed them but the stain didn’t fully come out. Probably because you were drinking lots of soda that night and your pee was real dark. Now, it looks like half the dinosaurs on your bed sheets are trapped in a tar pit. Who’s pee gets that dark anyway?

I have some of my stuffed animals in my fort with me. You have some of yours. I have made helmets for mine out of tinfoil. They are soldiers. You insisted on using saran wrap for your helmets. It got real messy and your helmets look real stupid. Also, I’m pretty sure your soldiers are more at risk of suffocating. Saran wrap doesn’t make good helmets. Tinfoil does. It also helps keep the aliens and the government out of our brains.


When we were shooting and pillow bombing back and forth we both heard the noises. They were undeniably eerie. We looked at each other and nodded. We made a pact, stop the war. The real enemy was above. We joined forces...and joined forts! You brought your fort over to mine and connected it on one end making a super fort. Now there is a little alleyway that is twice as long for us to hide in with our leftover-wrapped soldiers. We switched to bazookas and sock-slingshots. We fired them in the air trying to keep the aliens and/or government away from our personal property inside our brains.

The aliens sent down a laser that turned the ground into hot lava. We had to disassemble our forts and use it as platforms to walk on. Volatile pillow bombs were gently placed in the lava and used as stepping stones. The blankets that were once used as roofing to protect us from gunfire are now our rafts. We float on them through the hot lava river hoping to find a way out of this mess. It’s not until we found our way up the stairs to the kitchen where Mom was making chocolate chip cookies that we decided, “Eh, we’re safe. We beat the aliens or something. There’s cookies so we’ll just say that game is done. We won forts against the aliens. Yum-er-I mean...hooray!”

3 comments:

  1. hahahaha! Ah how I miss fort wars

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wanna have one anyway? I think grown men are allowed to, you just need more blankets to cover more surface area.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Exactly, there's nothing wrong or weird with two grown men having a fort war. Especially if we join sides.

    ReplyDelete