Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Food Inventions

I’ve been coming up with some food inventions lately. Sometimes when we are eating our food we need things to be easier. Eating should be an enjoyable experience. We want to do as little work as possible. Here are some of my inventions I think will help out humanity in it’s lazy affairs.


A banana boomerang. Ever been eating a banana, maybe you’ve taken one bite out of it, and now fruit flies are coming for it? As soon as you’ve taken a bite they want some of that banana too. Now, you got to spend all your time waving the flies off while you’re trying to enjoy this damn thing. Wrong! Not with the bananarang. Take a bite, and while you’re chewing, throw that thing in the air! It will swing around and come back just like a boomerang, giving you time to chew and swallow, and keeping the flies away from your mid day snack!


You know when you bake cookies and start munching on one, and then all the beggars want to eat the rest of the batch? Terrible. Now, you got to fend off the hungry hippos as you try to enjoy your cookie. It ruins the entire experience. And half the time, your cookies get eaten anyway. Now, with grenade chip cookies you got cookie-defense! Simply pick the grenade chips out of your cookie while you eat it and throw it in front of the beggars. A small explosion will scare them off from trying to eat your cookies.


This is for the meat and potatoes kind of guy. Love meat and potatoes? Hate that they are two separate things? Of course you do. What if, as chickens were raised, potatoes were glued to their feathers? The flavor of potato sets in to their meat. They marinate in it for life. Then, when you are ready to eat the thing, throw the entire thing in the pot. Meat and potatoes in one bite. Perfection!


You like meat and potatoes. Chances are you like beer as well. You also probably need your veggies but don’t really get them. Veggie beer is your beer with your dinner, with all the servings of vegetables you need in a day. Get drunk and get healthy! Put in a couple green beans as a garnish. Now, you’re rocking!


Maybe you just made a sandwich. Then, the game comes on and they are reviewing that touchdown that happened before commercial break. You run from the kitchen into the living room and post up on the couch in front of the TV to watch the replays. After all that, you realize you left your sandwich in the kitchen. So far away. Do I have to go get it? What if when you had made it, you stuck a device in it? Your remote control that is linked with the device is right in front of you. And all you have to do is fly that sandwich over to you in the living room. Then, it’s lunch time without having the hassle of getting up again. How awesome is that?


Well, you obviously need this too. This is the more difficult part. The preceding invention is the propeller device stuck in which ever sandwich you’ve made for the day. This is the real brains of the invention. Always make sure this is on you. Or in front of the TV.

That’s what I’ve come up with so far. The top 6 most helpful food inventions I can think of. I want to try to make life easier for those who think sitting on a couch eating a sandwich, with a remote in hand, and the AC blasting isn’t easy enough. Let’s not go through any hardships we don’t have to go through guys.

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