Saturday, July 16, 2011

A Tribute

- Who’s the scariest man ever to sit on Oprah’s couch?
Tom Cruise.

- Who’s the scariest man ever to play The Incredible Hulk?
Lou Ferrigno.

- Who’s the scariest man ever to rob a McDowell’s?
Samuel L. Jackson.

“Who the fuck is this asshole?”

- Who’s the most threatening man without a gun?
Jackie Chan.

- Who’s the most threatening man under water?
Aqua Man.

- Who’s the most threatening man to eat your hamburger?
Samuel L. Jackson.

“I’m sorry, did I break your concentration?”


- Who’s the best snack maker?
My mom.

- Who’s the best snack taker?
That bully in third grade.

- Who’s the best snack for a shark?
Samuel L. Jackson.

“See normally your heretic asses would be dead as fuckin fried chicken for screwin’ with God’s Creation!”

- Who’s the best shot MI6 has to offer?
James Bond.

- Who’s the best shot Barnett College has to offer?
Indiana Jones.

- Who’s the best shot the black community has to offer?
Shaft. (Once played by Samuel L. Jackson)

“Shut your mouth.”
“But I’m talkin’ bout when Samuel L. Jackson played Shaft.”

- Who is the god of the underworld?
Hades.

- Who is the god of the sea?
Poseidon.

- Who is the god of the sky?
Samuel L. Jackson when he played Zeus in “Die Hard With A Vengeance.”

“Yeah, Zeus! As in father of Apollo! Mount Olympus! Don’t fuck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your ass! Zeus! You got a problem with that?!”

I don’t think any of us do.

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