Friday, July 22, 2011

The Top 10 Worst Faces To Make During Sex


Disclaimer: Don’t read this if you’re in the mood and plan on staying in the mood.

10 - The “I’m Bored” Face

Talk about killing the mood. You could at least fake being into it! Or give a sister a smile! A robot emotes more.

9 - The “I Tried” Face

You don’t want to make a face that tells, “That’s the best I had”. One - because you always want to give the illusion that you could have better tricks up your sleeve. And two - because that sentence does not make anyone happy about having been with you.

8 - The “Teasing” Face

“Neener neener neener! You can’t have my weiner!” Maybe teasing girls on the schoolyard in second grade worked for you, but seven year-olds don’t have sex. So, that approach will not work in the bedroom. Or car. Or trampoline. Or where ever you may be.

7 - The “Regretting” Face

You’re wishing you didn’t even start. We get it. But my grandpa always said, “Never start anything you’re not willing finish”. Suck it up and finish it like a man. Live life without regrets...or just hide them!

6 - The “Oops” Face

Kind of self explanatory. Usually a face made within the first two minutes of having started the act. This face also precedes The “I Tried” Face many times which makes it even worse. If there’s promise of another “Top 10 Worst Faces To Make During Sex” Face coming, you’re in for an upset partner.

5 - The “Falling Asleep” Face

Worse than The “I’m Bored” Face because it’s very possible the boredom is putting you to sleep. One or both of you are not doing some things right if you’re able to pass out during the whole event. Get a coffee, cold water on the head, slap to the face, something! Stay awake!

4 - The “Painful” Face

If it hurts, again, some things are being done wrong. And if it hurts one person, chances are it’s hurting the other person(s). Also, at least hide your pain if you can’t prevent it. No one wants to see you crying like a little girl. Get over it! Love hurts sometimes!

3 - The “Creeper” Face

An intense stare is good for psyching out the defender on the football field or basketball court. But what do they say? Leave it all on the field. Nothing you use in your repertoire of moves courtside should be carried over bedside. Ever slam dunk or punt in bed? Nope! So, don’t do this either!

2 - The “Scared” Face

Not many things worse than looking like it’s your first time and you’re scared. Unless of course it is your first time. Then in that case, here’s a tip. Don’t ever yell, “Something’s happening!” like you look like you’re going to. It will be apparent when it happens. No need to narrate. It’s not a play.

1 - The “Evil Villain” Face

A smile can be OK during sex. An evil smile is terrible however. You never want to be caught in the middle of plotting world domination during love-making. Also, wearing a disguise is never a good idea. Don’t try to be someone else. That’s not right. That’s really the overall message of this post. Just be yourself. It will always work to your advantage. Unless yourself is any of these 10 faces. Then, just try to channel your inner Fonze.


  1. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Favorite post yet!

  2. Thank you sir. Did you like your inclusion? You made #2!

  3. hahaha, I think #9 should be moved up

  4. You think it's even more impactful in the bed? You might be right.

  5. funny :D I'm glad i didnt see Chad's face on here... lol

  6. Having a good sleep is important for you to get energy when you are awake. Thrusting away the bad inclinations like overconsumption of alcohol and smoking can bring a huge constructive difference in sexual life.
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