Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Sometime Show - Episode 2

Sinbad at the Warwick booth, Winter NAMM 2011photo © 2011 Cary and Kacey Jordan | more info (via: Wylio)

Hello everybody and welcome once again to SteveInevitable. I’m Stephen Avitabile and yup, you know it, there’s Sinbad laughing like a maniac. I’d like to say he’s laughing because he was reading this post ahead of time but I can’t be too sure he even reads what I put out. It’s not in his contract to do so and I’m not sure he likes this stuff. We can all hope someday Sinbad will get into this but in the meantime we’re just wicked pumped he shows up. What is that background behind you anyway, Sinbad? You look like you’re in an airport. We need to get you a better back drop. I don’t want people thinking you’re not actually here........anyway...this is our second show ever. We’re pleased to say we’re still in business. Some people read up on the last one which is still available on another page if anyone’s interested. Our biggest fan Joshua Jeremy left us a comment which we greatly appreciate! I hear that guy’s a news fiend, always looking for the best source. We know that’s not us but the fact that he even reads what we have to say is just incredible to us! I’m usually just winging it up here. But we’re doing our best to get you the best guests and the best news stories available. Speaking of news stories, boy are there some f---ing delicious ones. Let’s nibble on some news, shall we?

This one’s great. A woman tried to sell her three day old baby to another woman in a Taco Bell in Washington just recently. The buyer was offered $500, refused and immediately called 911.
When the police arrived they assumed the 911 call was about the life threatening food Taco Bell was serving and promptly arrested every employee there.

How about this? The federal government actually funded a study that tested to see if their was a relation between gay men’s penis sizes and their sex lives.
It was determined more extensive research will be needed so once more funding is received a new study will begin, Relation between depth of gay men’s buttholes to their sex lives. Your tax dollars at work.

Aspiring rapper, Tony Austin, is suing P. Diddy over a 2010 shooting that sent him to the hospital while outside of Justin’s in Atlanta, a restaurant Diddy owns.
Rule #1 in the rapper handbook clearly states, “if you get shot and live, praise God and shut up. Do not sue. Do not tattle. Your record sales are going to sky rocket!” Diddy did you a favor man!

Did you hear this one? This is real. A man in Texas bought a $300,000 house for $16.
When asked what the man’s secret was he responded with, “All I’m going to say is that extreme couponing ain’t got nothing on me!”

A man was shot the other night after a midnight showing of Harry Potter as he was suspected of having child pornography and making sudden movements in front of police.
Come on, can’t a single 45 year old man go alone to a midnight showing of Harry Potter without being suspected of child pornography anymore? I mean, the kids are all grown up now!
Muppet bandphoto © 2006 Andrew Kuchling | more info (via: Wylio)

At least they let the guy watch the entire movie first. He was probably super pumped coming out of there though. Ready to tell all his friends how good it was. What if he had already tweeted something like, “New Harry Potter...the best! Am I in heaven? Will let you know once I’m out of theater.” Then, he got out of the theater, realized it wasn’t heaven but was so amazingly close, he reached for his phone suddenly to do his follow up tweet and, bang bang! Bullets hurt much more than expelliarmus or however you say it. That’s something that sucks about coming out of action/adventure movies by the way. You’re so amped up on what you just saw you want to do everything you just saw and you really think that you can. You’re ready to kick criminals’ asses and jump over buildings but as soon as you stub your toe on the trash can outside the theater and you yelp in pain you realize your dream is dead. That guy walked out of the theater, saw little children floating around on screen, and that’s what he wanted to do. Yeah illegal, but maybe give the man a minute to stub his toe and then I’m sure he’ll bury those desires deep down somewhere. Instead you shot him. Anyway, that’s enough heavy talk for now. We’re going to take a quick commercial break, when we get back, we’ll be here with our guests, Melvin Crunch Jr. and Boom! We’ll be right back, take it away Muppet Band!


Commercial for this catheter that you carry around with you in your pocket. It looks like a tube of lipstick. Um what? Why would I need that? And how would I get away with having a tube of lipstick on me as a man? Dummies.

Well, that was a stupid commercial. The things people will buy. We’re back, and ready to keep this show going. If you look closely you’ll notice Sinbad is still laughing like crazy. Not sure why. We’ll find out after the show. I’ll tell you what I know will make you laugh though, our first guest. He is Cap’n Crunch’s son, give it up for Melvin Crunch Jr.

Hey Melvin! So, I got to ask you first, why are you a junior? I don’t get it.


MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
Well because I have the same exact name as my father.

But your father’s name is Cap’n Crunch.

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
That’s not his name idiot. That’s his title. He’s a cap’n his profession is cap’n of a boat. His first name is Melvin.

Hahahaha! That’s the worst name ever! I didn’t know that! Do you ever tease him for having a stupid name?!

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
Nope.

Oh right. Why would you? Ummmm...Sinbad help me out here. I don’t know what to do when the guest gets angry. Silent as always. Alright, well Melvin Jr., did you follow in your father’s footsteps as become a cap’n as well?

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
I prefer you dont call me Jr. Just Melvin. And no I did not. I tried but I get seasick very easily. Even in the bathtub I usually end up vomiting. So, I opened up a video rental store.

First off I’d like to say, if I don’t call you junior then how will we know if I’m talking to you or your father?

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
Well because you can just refer to him as Cap’n and also because he’s not even here since this crappy show can’t get a name like him.

Wow. Alright got you. So, moving on, you get seasick? That’s kind of weak. Son of a cap’n ain’t got his sea legs? Embarrassing. But video rental? That’s tough. I’m sure when you started the business awhile back it must have been booming but how are you dealing with-

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
Awhile back? I just started it up two weeks ago! I thought that’s why I was here! To promote it!

You started a video rental store two weeks ago? Are you a moron? They’re all going extinct!

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
Well then what did you have me on here for?!

SINBAD
So, we could get information about your dad but try to make it look like we were just asking about your family history.

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
WHAT?!

Hell of a time to speak up Sinbad.

SINBAD
I’m just reading the cue cards.

You have cue cards?

MELVIN CRUNCH JR.
I’m out of here!

Well, that’s awkward. There goes our first guest. I guess it’s time to bring out our second guest. You know of Snap, Crackle, and Pop on the Rice Krispies box, but did you know that there used to be a fourth guy. Say hello to the fourth elf thingy, Boom!


Wow! You really are short! I mean, I could kind of already tell but when you walked past that weird measuring stick we have I really got a feel for the shortness.

BOOM!
Yeah you know being this short there’s only so much you can do for work.

So, I’m sure that’s why having a job on the box of Rice Krispies meant the world to you. What happened?

BOOM!
Well, they had all 4 of us for the box. We were the final 4 to make it through the auditions and they said we were the team. We’d be on every box. They started taking pictures of us all together and sending them to the execs. Well, then things started to go wrong, mon.

Go wrong? What happened?

BOOM!
Boom! All of a sudden they want 3 guys now! They said it was 3 all along but we all knew it was 4 from the beginning. Something fishy is going on up there. Like they don’t like one of us.

So, then what? Did you figure out what was going on?

BOOM!
Of course, mon! But no one believe me! We go up to meet the execs. There’s three of them. Kyle. Kris. Kristian. They don’t like me. KKK. Three strikes and I’m out.

Why was it they didn’t like you?

BOOM!
Because I’m black, mon! They said it wasn’t that but I know they don’t want a black mon on their box no more. Not with those stinking white bastards. I stand alone I look good for the job, I stand next to them, I’m darker than anything. And I look too menacing. And one of them even asked me if my name was Boom! because that’s the sound my gun maakes when I shot it. My name was Fred before this. I changed it for the damn part!

So, they just picked the other 3 and stuck with them?

BOOM!
Yeah! And those three won’t even admit it! You ask them about it they I lost the job on my own merit. Like I did something else to screw it up. If anything I should have gotten it over one of them on some affirmative action! Now, I want to take what little time I have left to give a prepared speech. People of America...

Hey did anyone notice we’re doing like a cereal reject show?

SINBAD
Yeah, I’m just noticing this now.

BOOM!
Quiet down guys. You’re-

Yeah, this is so weird. The guy who didn’t make it on the Rice Krispies box. The son of Cap’n Crunch who opened up a video rental store two weeks ago. The worst time he could have possibly started one!

SINBAD
Do you think he’s only got VHS?

Hahaha. I bet he does. You think he’s got any of your movies?

BOOM!
You guys are stepping on-

SINBAD
He better or else I don’t even see why we had him on the show.

To try to find out about his dad remember? We thought we heard that rumor about a new flavor of Cap’n Crunch and we wanted to see if there was any truth to it and what it was.

SINBAD
It better be Pancake and Syrup Crunch.

BOOM!
You guys! I’m talking here!

I’m sorry, take all the time you need. You have the rest of the show to deliver this important message of yours.

BOOM!
Thank you. America, these are your-

Well, I’m sorry that’s all the time we have for tonight. Our guests were some cereal rejects, our band, The Muppet Band, who seem to have not even moved their positions at all from last week. They might be dead. Or just asleep. My co-host Sinbad, the one saving grace here, and I’m Stephen Avitabile saying good night/afternoon/morning everyone! Muppets, play us off!

6 comments:

  1. I cannot believe how long this story is, Steve.

    Also, you forgot the part about seeing Sinbad at Howard Hughes or when I saw him at Buddha's Belly. He's just so accessible.

    Also also, does my name really remind you of Sinbad?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh if you go back and read Episode 1 of The Sometime Show you will see it was already mentioned when I saw Sinbad.

    And yes, your name really does remind me of Sinbad every time I read it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your drawings are pretty awesome might I add hahah

    ReplyDelete
  4. Drawings?
    These are photographs of these people on the show!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sorry, my computer does not have HD, so everything I look at looks fake. My bad! I will force my company to upgrade my software so this will not happen again!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah, I took those pictures in Paint.

    ReplyDelete