Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Sometime Show - Episode 1

Sinbadphoto © 2008 jcrawford3505 | more info (via: Wylio)

Good morning/afternoon/evening everybody! I’m Steve Avitabile! With me as always, or should I say, for the first time ever, is my co-host Sinbad! Sinbad and I think we got a really good show for you all tonight. There’s been a lot in the news as of late and we want to share it with you. We want to be your resource for news. We promise to portray it in a somewhat accurate fashion and we promise I’m doing most of the talking. To be honest, Sinbad is just here to look pretty holding that microphone over there. Plus, he’s a big name. In all his voyages he’s gained a pretty big fan following and we thought he could put fans in the stands here at......my blog. Anyway, there’s a lot going on in this crazy world and we intend to get to it.

So, did you hear about Arizona State Senator, Lori Klein, who pointed a loaded pink handgun at a reporter’s chest during an interview? Though she told him and everybody else that he was in no danger at the time.
Yeah, when she was asked why he wasn’t in any danger she responded with, “Listen guys. It’s not the pink gun that’s one hit kill. It’s the golden gun. Play a video game once in awhile!”

A couple weeks ago there was a brawl amongst parents at a Little League baseball game in Colorado.
Apparently, what set it off was a heated discussion of, “No, my son could kick your son’s ass!”

Recently, a baby boy was born in Texas weighing 16 pounds and measuring in at two feet tall!
He is reportedly not allowed to go to college or high school, once he reaches the age of 13 he’s being drafted into the NBA whether he likes it or not.

Did you hear about this? A landlord in Boynton Beach, Florida alledgedly set his tenant’s shorts on fire for being late with rent, while he was wearing them!
According to reports, the entire altercation can be chalked up to it being April Fool’s Day, the tenant being an avid prankster, and it being the biggest Liar, Liar Pants On Fire misunderstanding ever.
Muppet bandphoto © 2006 Andrew Kuchling | more info (via: Wylio)

How do you suppose that happened, Sinbad? That’s a big misunderstanding. Oh, I don’t have the money for you, April Fool’s I do too! Liar! Where’s my lighter fluid!? What kind of lunatics are these that their lives end up like this? I don’t know who’s worse? The guy who lit the other guy’s shorts on fire or the guy who got his shorts lit on fire. The tenant apparently provoked the shorts-burning by cutting his landlord’s back with a screwdriver. Really? This is your life? I don’t know what Boynton Beach is like but maybe it’s time to get the f--- out! Oops! I forgot I got to watch my mouth. Well, whatever they’ll censor that s---. I’m golden. Golden brown. So, anyway we got a great show for you tonight. Lots more to come. We’re going to take a quick break but stick around because we got guests, Gonzo on Cocaine and The Pillsbury Thin Boy! I’m Steve Avitabile, he’s Sinbad, say hello to Kermit The Frog and The Muppet Band! Take it away guys!


Commercial for some stupid vibrating weight that you can’t possibly look cool using.

Alright, we’re back! Did you take a look at what they were selling in that commercial? Man, every time I see that commercial I think, "Woo! That's it!" But it never is. The commercials just keep playing and playing. Who's supporting this commercial? Who's keeping them funded? Here's my main problem with what they're selling. I'm pretty sure the thing is a good workout and does a good deal to several muscles but the guys they show using these things are absolutely ripped! And they act as if all this guy ever did was use this one product! Yeah right! That guy has had his six pack for several years of doing sit ups and his large arms and chest and tree trunk thighs he did not get from this damn thing either. I'd also like to go on the record stating I don't always notice his bulging biceps and other muscles. Just sometimes. Also, I usually don't go on talking about commercials for this long. Anyway, we’d like to do a real quick skit for you before out first guest comes out.....what’s that? I’m sorry. Apparently, our first guest is ready to come out now and has been. He’s been wanting to come out since the theme music played. I’m not even sure when that was. The beginning I guess? Alright, well then I suppose I’ll bring out our very first guest, Gonzo on Cocaine! Gonzo on Cocaine, come on out! There you are, how you doing?

GONZO ON COCAINE
I’m doing fantastic! Never felt better before!

That’s very interesting you should say that because I heard you haven’t been getting too much work recently. It seems since the Muppets went their separate ways you haven’t done anything. So, what have you been up to?

GONZO ON COCAINE
Oh, we’re not all together but we’re still tight. We talk all the time. All the time. We’re best buds. All of us. And it’s not just me who hasn’t been working. It’s all of us Muppets. Kermit and I made a pact actually that if either of us found work we would talk to the other and get him work as well. So, since I haven’t heard from him I know it’s been rough on him as well.

Did you not notice our house band is The Muppet Band? And that Kermit is the lead? He’s literally right there. You can see him.

GONZO ON COCAINE
That green, lying, son of a-

Gonzo! What do you say we shift topics? So you haven’t gotten much work as of lately. Not a big deal. Everyone goes through spells like that. Pauly Shore....you....anyway, we can change gears. So, I’ve noticed you got those floating eyebrows going on. What’s that about? I know lots of cartoons have floating eyebrows but I don’t remember you always having them.

GONZO ON COCAINE
Yeah, I haven’t always had them. It’s a new thing that’s appeared on my body since I’ve been on this new medication.

What’s the new medication?

GONZO ON COCAINE
I’d rather not talk about it.

Is it part of your new name?

GONZO ON COCAINE
Yes, and we’ll leave it at that.

Yes, we’ll see if the audience at home can figure it out. So, I got another question, how do you even see out of your eyes? Your pupils are just swirly, endless, timewarp-looking things. I think I’m getting lost in them. I’m not sure if they’re beautiful or if I’m terrified of them.

GONZO ON COCAINE
Well, I can see out of them just fine. In fact, what with the new medication I’ve been on, my sight has improved. Ten fold.

Right, the new medication that’s still a secret. Well, that’s good. Good for you. So, I’ve noticed you’re still rocking the suspenders-shorts-onesie. That outfit still working well for you?

GONZO ON COCAINE
Yeah, I’ve never been a slave to fashion. I find something I like and I stick with it. Day in and day out.
Spoken like a true cartoon. Well, we got time for one more question before the next commercial break and this is something that’s really been on my mind. I think it’s been on a lot of people’s minds actually. One of those questions that’s been haunting all of humanity ever since it’s eyes were laid on you. What are you?

GONZO ON COCAINE
Well...

Commercial for a new video game system that’s confusing for anyone over the age of 45. If you’re under 45 you can tell how awesome it is though.

GONZO ON COCAINE
And that’s the simple answer.

Great. Just fantastic. I’ll be honest I was watching that super awesome commercial. I didn’t hear a word you said but no matter, our next guest is here. He’s not extremely famous but his brother is. He’s actually been competing with his brother for quite some time. They are two of the biggest competitors in the dessert world. Let’s hear it for second fiddle, The Pillsbury Thin Boy! Hey, how’s it going? I got to say, you look awful. I mean, I know you’re thin and that’s supposed to be good and everything, but in this line of work I don’t think it is. And you’re always frowning. You seem very sad. What’s going on with you here?

PILLSBURY THIN BOY
Well, you’re right. I am thin. It’s because as a Pillsbury, you’re only allowed to eat your own supply.

GONZO ON COCAINE
Kind of goes against the ten crack commandments huh? Never get high on your own supply?

PILLSBURY THIN BOY
Sure. Anyway, I can only eat what I make. And my food is not that great. So, I don’t eat a lot of it. And thus I stay pretty thin.

Is that why your brother is such a porker? Because he makes the best damn desserts I’ve ever had?

PILLSBURY THIN BOY
You got it. He eats what he makes and he loves it. I’m stuck with what I make. But hey, at least I’m in shape. I have my health. I’ll probably out live him.

Yeah, but who cares if your products suck? No one cares if Eric Clapton lived longer than Jimi Hendrix because he wasn’t as good as him on guitar.

GONZO ON COCAINE
That’s different. Eric Clapton is actually still really good.

PILLSBURY THIN BOY
Screw you guys.

GONZO ON COCAINE
I’ve had your stuff before thin mint. In a special cake. It was garbage.

Well, this is getting awkward. Make sure to remind me to introduce the guests before a show next time, alright Sinbad? Good. Best co-host ever. Did I mention I recently saw you in real life across the street from my work? You were going to see a movie in the middle of the day. I was star struck. Quite an experience. Now, here we are having a conversation with equal parts to contribute. Oh, how this wacky world works. So, Thin Boy, I don’t think we have much else to talk to you about. I mean honestly, what else would I ask a person like you? How do you like wearing that chef hat or something?

PILLSBURY THIN BOY
Well, it doesn’t look like it but it’s really comfortable. I had it custom...

OK, that wasn’t a real question. We’re all done here. Besides you aren’t a true chef so you shouldn’t be wearing that thing. OK, well that seems to be all the time we have for today. Thanks for joining in and we’ll see you again sometime soon. Some music to play you out...whatever you got on your music device. Toodles!

1 comment:

  1. hahahaha Gonzo is my hero. Sinbad is so quiet, but you can sense he's presence and it is very comforting. Possible guest for a later episode if there is room, Doug Funnie. Or Tommy Pickles. I'd like to see how they're doing. If there's no room to fit them that's ok. Maybe next season. I'm sure you have celebrities left and right that wanna be on your show! I mean blog!

    ReplyDelete