Friday, July 29, 2011

New Hampshire Bound

OK, so I’m going to be honest here, I did not have a post prepared for this morning. I am about to depart the lovely state of California to head home to the almost as lovely state of New Hampshire. I’ve been doing a lot, getting ready, packing and junk. I hadn’t prepared what post I was going to do for the morning I leave. I think I was just so preoccupied with New Hampshire and all it has to offer.

Like the state flower for example. The purple lilac. Or the state bird. The purple finch. Double purple right there! New Hampshire is a purple state. Ever wonder about which are red states and which are blue states? And then get to New Hampshire and can’t figure it out? That’s because it’s a combo of the two. Purple.

I think New Hampshire is the only state with a purple state bird. Which is cool, makes it unique. I was once looking up other state birds and stuff and came across Delaware and saw that they have a state drink. A state drink? Who has that? Guess what it is. Well, I’m not letting you guess I’m just telling you. It’s milk. How stupid! I love milk but I think that is dumb. First of all, you are the only state with a state drink (I’m pretty sure, I looked for other ones with no luck). Why do you guys have one? Was it because you were the first state of the union and when you were established you were all like, “OK, we’re gonna pick a fucking bird, a fucking flower, and a god damn drink!” Then, after it was set in stone, or whatever they wrote on in those days (papyrus?), all the other states were like, “Eh, we’ll do a bird and a flower but a drink? No thank you.” Then, Delaware got screwed over? But my second point, would be, if you’re going to have a state drink make it cool. Make it a baller drink. Like Hennessee. Or a Long Island Iced Tea. Or beer. Or even a damn Arnold Palmer. But milk? You chose a step up from water. That’s it. That’s one of the most boring state drinks you could choose. And it’s not like there weren’t any available! You had every drink to choose from! Come on Delaware!


Glad I’m traveling to New Hampshire and not Delaware. Or “The Shire” as we’ve been known to call it. There isn’t a ton of short guys running around there, however we’re far from the tallest state in the country. The tallest state has to be where ever Yao Ming lives. He boosts the average of whatever state he lives in. Even when that guy is in China he boosts the average height. That’s why when he came her to play in the NBA the population dropped from 1.5 Billion to 1.49999999999999999 Billion but the average size of a person there dropped over a foot. That’s true. Real fact right there. Look it up on whyamilookingupshitiheardfromthisdumbblog.com. Save it to your favorites. It’s a bitch to have to type in every time.

Know what else is cool about “The Shire” right now? Chad Ochocinco just got traded to the New England Patriots! Woot! So, there’s a chance I could run into him there I suppose. He’s always been one of my favorite players and now I can like him even more since he’s on my team. I follow him on Twitter and now I’m going to be following him to New England. Seriously, I wonder if anyone will piece that together. As soon as he leaves, like everyone just found out today, I’m leaving the next day to go to where he will be. And I already love the guy. If you saw my algebra book you’d know.

Oh and Albert Haynesworth might be there. As long as he doesn’t try to stomp on mine or anyone else’s head I’m cool with running into him. I think I’d be normal enough around him, other than immediately putting on a helmet, but around Ochocinco I’d probably lose my shit. Turn back into a little girl. Excuse me, I meant turn into a little girl. Like for the first time. Not having ever been a little girl before. Or any type of girl. Anyway, it would be like meeting Bill Cosby I bet. I’d be star struck. Well, the proof is in the pudding. Jello pudding. I guess I’ll just have to find him while there and see what happens.

Well, that’s probably been enough New Hampshire knowledge I dropped on your faces. Seep it up. Learn it. Retain it. Remember that shit because I’m tired of all the dumbasses in California that don’t know ANYTHING about New Hampshire. State bird, state flower, that shit, I don’t expect anyone to know. But when people ask me where I’m from, and I say New Hampshire, and they say, “Oh, that’s in Massachusetts right?” I get quite annoyed. Nope. It’s it’s own state you fucking dip shit. How do you not at least know that? And it’s one of the four newest states! Along with New York, New Mexico and New Jersey! Just remember that it’s a state and I won’t suspect your retardation. That’s all. Alright, I’m out to New England. The northeast of the U.S. Good enough for ya’ll? I’m gone!

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