Friday, July 8, 2011

Dumb America!

America! You got some splainin’ to do! Seriously, I’m still befuddled by your fatness. As of recently, that hasn’t even been your worst quality though. It’s been your level of intelligence. I think it’s getting lower and lower. Or maybe you are just breeding more and more stupid people. And I’ll tell you, I can deal with the stupid people, as long as it’s a normal amount. By normal amount I mean there should be one smart person for each dumb person. Give the country a nice even balance. And that’s just what the dumb people do. Give balance. I’m no genius, but in school, you all bump me up to Middle-Of-The-Road student. That helps me and I thank you all for that. But if there’s too many of you then I get bumped up too high. Think of a scenario where I’m the smartest person in class. I have trouble reading a compass and still don’t understand inflation. You don’t want me to be the smartest anything. A country headed by multiple me’s being the smartest around, will crash and burn!

Now, I’m sure some people have read this far and are already thinking, “What proof does this guy have that America is getting dumber?” Well, first off I’m saying I think America is getting dumber or it is spitting out more dummos (dum-oes), and second, I have visual evidence backing up my hypothesis. As you can see to the right, I have included the image of a man made sign. The man, or woman, who made this sign lives in the U.S. He, or she, wants everyone to know that is dining at this establishment, that the salads you have here are freshly tossed. And not just the side salads, the big ones. The ones that are meals, or entrees. Oops. We made it seem like it’s a salad that gains you entrance into a freshly tossed top secret organization. Probably not the intention. And I know some people are probably thinking, “Give them a break, it’s a simple misspelling.” Here’s the thing. No. Shut up. People should spell things right. Also, if you are going to spell something wrong, spell it wrong in a way where I understand why you spelled it that way. For instance entree is pronounced like, on-tray. So, someone spelling it ontray or even antray, I get it. That seems like a valid attempt. I agree entree doesn’t look like it would be the spelling of how that word sounds, but neither does entry. In fact, it looks even less like it. So, what’s the excuse? Sure, maybe I’m being harsh but whatever, I never signed a document that said I wouldn’t ever be harsh. I’m allowed to be. People, spell things right. Or spell them incorrectly but in an understandable way. Be a dumb ass with reason. With excuses.

How about this guy here on the left? Oh yeah? Eat here and you can order a magical witch who dispenses sand out of her broomstick. I don’t know if you’ll want to eat her as I think witches are technically human and that may classify you as a cannibal. But you can order her. Let her sit at your table and scream at people passing by. America! This one is not hard! You added in a letter and turned it into a person of some sort. I know “wich” is not a word so you wouldn’t think to spell it that way, but “witch” is not a component of the object. That’s not why it’s called that. I have no idea why it’s called that but not every food you eat is named after it’s ingredients. Otherwise, along with the sandwitch you would be given the option of clambroth or lettucepile. (Now remember, it would be a side salad so we would call it a lettucepile. If it weren’t a side it would be an entry salad. There’s a difference.) Oh, so aggravating! I have to say though, the photographer did an amazing job catching the essence of this sandwitch. It looks tasty. I wonder if I can get it toasted. Probably just have to order it to be burned at the stake!

OK, so spelling errors aren’t enough for you? You need more? I got more. One more. On the right you will see a yellow sign. Seems to be quickly constructed, a fast bubble-letter technique was used that I was privy to in the second grade. I’m not criticizing that. I get it. Need to make a sign and need to make it fast. Get it over with. The next thing that people will probably notice is that there is a half-assed drawing of the chairs being sold. It’s a chair a stick figure would sit in. I get the person drawing this probably isn’t an accomplished artist, but this is just awful. You have drawn four lines. That’s it! Or maybe a less than and greater than sign rubbing butts together. I’m not sure what the angle was you were taking here. Though, you did decide to let the viewing public know that this was a side view. Giving a little perspective on the drawing so as not to get lost in it’s pure abstract nature. Nice try. However, what you may not be able to notice, is that this sign for these chairs is LITERALLY taped to the back of one of the chairs! This shot is taken looking directly at the chair! And as the creator of this sign made his piece of work he decided, “Hmmm, wouldn’t it be great if people could see the side of the chair? I’ll add that feature right into it.” Yeah, thanks Michaelangelo! I really don’t feel like taking two steps to my left! This makes it so much easier! What a relief! Are you kidding?! You drew the side view, and in a terrible shitty manner I must say, and put it on the front?! The side view is available two and a half feet away! And in something better than 8 bit graphics!

Once again, I am not trying to say I’m super intelligent. I’m actually saying almost the opposite. I’m saying I don’t want to appear to be super intelligent. But you all are making that pretty hard for me. America, you got to smarten up! At least half of you. Restore the balance of things. We don’t need this many stupid people. And we don’t want this many stupid people, especially if they’re going to be serving us food or selling us chairs. A stupid person handling money is even worse. I’m not trying to be demanding but someone needs to take a stand. Like I said, you do not want me to be the smartest anything. So, it’s time to cut the crap and pick up a book. And stop giving me so many things to take pictures of! My phone is almost out of room!


  1. Wow. Not only do you make a valid, and funny point. You have actual pictures! Now those first two are obviously made by a companies advertising team/marketing team. Now, these teams usually consist of the bare minimum of 3 people (for voting purposes) Now those two products are probably pretty large corporations, thus having maybe 15-20 people on this team. How is it that EVERY single one of them missed these errors before sending them off to a printing company to be made? Speaking of the printing company, I don't know if you've ever had something professional made (business cards, stupid shirts, etc) but they always ask you to review your order, meaning spell check and make sure all the aspects of it are to your liking. So this marketing team also had a second opportunity to look these over. They are double stupid! Now do you think the printing company saw these errors and went "wow the morons checked this twice and still want it spelled wrong, dumb-asses." Just my two cents!


  2. I think they must have. I mean if you have someone check something twice and they still don't catch it what are you supposed to do? They got to learn that stuff on their own. And yeah the first picture is from a restaurant across the street, the second one is from restaurant in a mall, and the third I think was just made by a guy who worked in a chair shop at the beach. So, at least there it's just one dumbass.

  3. by the way... it's caesar that first sign is even more wrong! awesome. My brother would love these signs!

  4. Oh man! I never even noticed that! They messed that up too!
    Yeah, these signs are the best. The first one I see all the time and it always makes me laugh!