photo © 2006 Eugene Yong | more info (via: Wylio)
One of the cool things about having a blog is that you can check a lot of different statistics on it. A nerd like me thinks it’s cool, anyway. One of the sections tells me how many page views I get from each country. The majority of my page views are from the U.S. But I noticed there were a few from Germany, Thailand, Hong Kong and Malaysia. I thought that was pretty rad, but then it got me thinking, I know a bit about Germany (awesome beer), I know a bit about Thailand (Thai food), and I know a bit about Hong Kong (Jackie Chan) but sadly I don’t know anything about Malaysia.
That lead me to decide that it’s time to learn a little bit about Malaysia. I checked some stuff out and saw a picture of their flag. You ever see that thing? There it is chilling up there on the right. Quite reminiscent of our flag, right U.S.? But instead of the fifty stars in the blue box it’s the moon spooning with the sun. That’s some deep shit. It’s like astrology is saying, “Malaysia, for you, day and night are one. Time be no restriction to you. You can accomplish anything in your lifetime! Tell the world, I am gonna rip shit up!! In a good way.”
photo © 2008 Pedro Plassen Lopes | more info (via: Wylio)
I like that flag. If that flag were a human it would be a man...and it would be THE MAN! So, I also came across the country’s coat of arms. There it is all bold and glorious on the left. How about that thing? It’s like two tigers playing poker at Andre 3000’s coffee table with a fancy-ass centerpiece between them. It’s probably an electronic centerpiece that dispenses cigars and shots of whiskey when you get a sweet hand or say something bad ass like, “Full house of pimps and hoes” (referring to kings and queens of course).
But, that wasn’t enough. I needed to know more! I also found out that of roughly 193 countries in the world, Malaysia is 43rd most populated and 66th largest by total land area. Now, let’s go back to the words “roughly 193 countries” because that’s an answer one can find online. Roughly? What’s so rough about it? Just count them! Are a few of them undecided? “Well, that’s either a country or just a gigantic rock with a butt-load of people waving a multi-colored bedsheet at us. Or is it a flag?” Pick one! There are roughly 20 pickles in your average pickle jar. There are roughly 2900 Cheerios in your average Cheerios box. There are an exact number of countries on planet Earth! I demand to know how many, Internet!
Seriously. You got the ability to show me the roof of my house at any given moment, which is creepy because that’s where I do most of my nude sunbathing. You can give me directions to any place in the world, from any place in the world, even if it means crossing an ocean. But you can’t count to just under 200? Get it together, Rainman. Quick, how many toothpicks on the floor? Now, tell me roughly how much one of those new compact cars costs. Just roughly. Can you do that? Probably not.
The funniest thing is, the internet can be so helpful, but we rely on it so much we get mad when it doesn’t give us exactly what we want. Like when we type “why” into Google and it gives us “why is my poop green?” No, I was actually wondering, why isn’t it green? Or when I type in “pictures of J” and was about to finish typing “Jesus” but it suggests “Justin Bieber”. I know what the Bieber looks like. I don’t need that. Or how about when all those people in Malaysia (all 5 of them) searched for information on tsunamis or Mario or Jay-Z and got directed to this ridiculous blog. Poor guys, thinking they’re going to get some helpful information and instead come across this. Well, at the very least I hope I can make you feel a little better about ending up at this web address. Today has been Malaysia Appreciation Day. Germany, Thailand, Hong Kong, you’ll get your day. Maybe.