Friday, June 24, 2011

The Difference Between Me And Most Rappers

I’m willing to bet any amount of money (below five dollars) that at least 50% of male rappers have a song where they mention women’s fashion. You ever notice this? They talk about Coach bags and Manolo Blahnik and Burberry and all sorts of things. All sorts of things that are for women.

What’s up with this? People are still like, “Yeah, he’s the man. He’s hardcore.” He sounds like a woman. Talking about the latest fashion and heels and purses. Then, his next song is about killing people and all the guns he has. I suppose a deep purse is great for carrying several gats around but it doesn’t seem to fit the “rapper style”.

Now, I’m not saying I don’t like these rappers or these songs. In fact, I love them. I tried to incorporate this “badass style” into my own life. But it doesn’t work for me! I talk about the shoes my girlfriend has from Steve Madden and how they’re not only great looking but practical as well. I boast about her cute new top from Wet Seal which was practically a steal. And people make fun of me. They call me names. Why am I not getting praised for rhyming Charlotte Russe with scarlet caboose? Does a record company want to call me? No!

People want to call me a lady-man. They want to ask why I know so much about women’s fashion. You guys don’t think it makes me sound like a pimp? I mean, I get the styles I’m talking about aren’t as expensive and chic as what Jay-Z raps about. But he and I are in different games. Different arenas really. His hoes are the Michael Jordans. Mine are.....non existent.

But it doesn’t matter, the rules should be the same for everyone. The more you talk about women’s fashion, as a man, it should translate to, the more women you have in your life. All these rappers got more money than me, they’re stealing acting jobs I could be auditioning for, have way more brands of alcohol coming out under their name than I do. Can they just give me this? Can we be equals on this one thing? I mean, I’m Italian, and most of my family is from New York, and I have completely lost the ability to call myself a gangster. It’s in my heritage’s nature (watch any movie) yet I’ve given it up without a fuss.

Can you please allow me to talk about women’s fashion? In a way where people don’t look at me funny? Learn to share. Share just this one thing. That’s all. I can even allow you to share a part of my lifestyle that isn’t part of yours. What do you say, rappers of the world? Fair trade off? What do you want? Eyes built to see discounts from a mile away? The ability to translate “Manager’s Special” to it’s true meaning, “Best Time To Buy This Product”? Or maybe I can just tell you a secret much more related to this whole topic. All those designer sunglasses you buy for you and your ladies...they block out just as much sun as the ones at the kiosks at the mall. Save yourself a couple Ben Franks!


  1. hahahaha this couldn't be anymore closer to the truth. Now I too share your knowledge of women's products, but my only saving grace from people calling me a lady-man or homosexual is the fact that I'm married. If I wasn't though, people think I'm the girls gay man who goes shopping with them and lets them know if an outfit looks good or not and what accessories look good with it. I too agree with the fact that those $1,000 sunglasses that rappers wear work just as well the $10 ones you can buy at any CVS. The only difference is the CVS ones when they break or when you lose them you go, "Oh well." Those $1,000 ones, i bet when a rapper losses those bad boys he fires his assistant. Because we all know hardcore gangsters have about a dozen assistants to help them throughout their rough rich lives.

  2. Want to help me fight the good fight of the common-folk? These rappers are getting away with murder. In addition, they're getting away with everything I discussed above.