Monday, June 27, 2011

Brazilian Carnaval

The level of my bathroom air freshener was alarmingly low, so it was time to buy a new one. I made a special trip to the grocery store, but I didn’t want people to know I went just for that. So, I picked up some food for myself and then happened to stroll through one of the cleaning aisles. I came across the air fresheners. “I’ll just check some of these out while I’m here, I suppose!” I proclaimed. No one else was even in the aisle.

I browsed through the section with a quick eye. Clean Air...too boring. Fresh Linen...I don’t want people thinking I do laundry non-stop, and in my bathroom! Thai Dragon Fruit...I just had that one. And I’m still not sure that’s a real fruit. Also, who cares what nationality the fruit is? Then, I saw a new one. One I’ve never noticed before. Brazilian Carnaval.

Now, I’ve never been to Brazil. So, I’ve obviously never been to a carnival there. But I have been to a carnival or two here in the United States. And if my bathroom ever smelled like one, I would spray air freshener immediately! That’s one of the smells I’m avoiding letting my bathroom smell like! I don’t want to plant that smell in there! Carnivals are filled with large animals dropping dumps where ever they please, fried foods and kids eating too much fried food and throwing up all over themselves. I bring an air freshener with me when I go to a carnival. Not to capture the essence! But to mask it!


Who in their right mind names an air freshener scent that? I sprayed it and smelled it...extremely cautiously. It actually smelled amazing. Very fruity. I ended up buying it. But what about that is supposed to entice me? I mean, the thing that’s really going to make these sell, is the smell. The name is just there to give a general idea of what to expect. Call it, fruity. Or sweetness. I don’t care. Something better than Brazilian Carnaval! That doesn’t help me at all!

And air fresheners aren’t the only culprit. Deodorant does it too. And even sports drinks. In fact, I once at the same time had Mountain Blast scented deodorant and Mountain Blast flavored sports drink. How does that happen? Do I ever want my arm pits to smell like my favorite drink? Hey Steve, those are some milky smelling arm pits you got out here in the dry heat of L.A. Thanks Tobey Maguire, I try to keep them fresh and/or rotten. (We just saw him at Disneyland so that automatically makes us best friends in my stories now!) Or would I want my favorite sports drink to taste like my arm pits? This is a delicious beverage, reminds me of terrible B.O. masked with soapy stuff! (Disclaimer: I don’t have terrible B.O. that I mask with deodorant, I use it as a normal human being does.)

And what would a Mountain Blast smell or taste like, anyway? I naturally think of a mountain blowing up. So, we got some dirt and rock, trees on fire, burnt earth, possibly a charred goat in the mix? Sounds like heaven for my tongue or my arm pits! Put it all over me! I want that stuff on my head! In my ears! Find a way to make underwear out of it and I’ll slap it on! (Disclaimer #2: Men, never slap on any underwear. The consequences could be dire.) But think about it. When has a blast of anything ever smelled good? When have you ever hiked up a mountain and thought, this particular giant rock has my nose buds break dancing naked all over themselves? I would hope you’ve never thought that because it makes little to no sense! But the point is, they need to use words that are descriptive of good smells, not just.....words!

Also, carnival Brazilian or American or Thai or Lithuanian or whatever, not an outstanding choice of words. If we’re going to describe this carnival, let’s use some better descriptive words. The ones you’re using now, major corporations, just make you seem racist. However, I bought your product. But I do not promote it’s name! I didn’t notice how dark this carnival was before buying it. Didn’t notice what God it worships either. Let’s not go around pointing it out to everyone. That’s not going to help anything.

In a world where “That’s racist!” gets shouted every 9 seconds, in one language or another, (Disclaimer #3: Statistics used in this particular post are found on wickedtruestats.com but it’s not even up and running so don’t bother checking to see if I’m right, I am.) we don’t need to be adding to the chaos. Let’s remove some of these words from our air fresheners. Let’s clean up the language on our deodorant. Let’s name a sports drink after cherries or grapes or just any type of edible object at least. And most importantly, when reading these unique names of scents and tastes, let’s always remember.....someone’s getting paid for this shit!

3 comments:

  1. Now when you first said that the scent was called Brazilian Carnival I right away assumed it must smell like cabbage. I never would have thought it smelled fruity. ButI do agree that the scents need to have names that describe the scent. My Old Spice is called Swaggger... Now at first I thought it should smell like Crystol, Colt 45, or even Hennessey. Nope none of the above. The names NEVER give the smelling nose an idea of what it is. If they want to avoid saying what the scent is, they might as well just call everything "Mystery Scent" that way it is up to the nose of what it is.

    Also about the drinks- I agree fully with that as well. However that doesn't work for Gatorade. They have actual flavor names but everyone still says "Hey I want the blue one" not "hey I want the berry one" I'm guilty of that. I still don't know the flavors of Gatorade but i sure as hell know which colors I like!!

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  2. Plus, with Gatorade, the blue one is never based off a blue food. It's always blue raspberry or something. Here's the thing. There's no blue raspberries. They're all reddish. Doesn't make sense to make it blue, but since it is that's why you and everyone else calls it the blue one. Because why would you call that the berry one? You wouldn't!

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  3. Ah so true!! I didn't even think of that!

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